42: One Million Dollar Debt Payoff to Financial Freedom: Naseema McElroy's Wealth-Building Journey

making money to me didn't equate to wealth. And then I really didn't understand how to actually build a wealth until I was well into my 30s. Like I said, I had been making six figures a long time, even before I was a nurse, like with all my income, like I always had side hustles on this kind of stuff. So I always made really good money but I just did not know what to do with that money. But to other people they thought I had it all figured out because it looked like, you know, because I knew how to make money. I had money but I had to. I knew that it wasn't the same thing because I always felt really broke.

Welcome to the Sugar Daddy podcast. I'm Jessica.

And I'm Brandon.

And we're the Norwoods, a married millennial couple here to help you build wealth so you can live the life you've always dreamed of. Brandon is an award-winning licensed financial planner with over 10 years of experience and millions of dollars managed for his clients all over the US. Don't worry, we leave all the intimidating finance mumbo jumbo at the door Stick with us as we demystify the realm of dollars. So it all makes sense. While giving you a glimpse into our relationship with money and each other, we are so glad you're here. Let's get started.

Hey babe, what are we talking about today?

Today we are talking to Nesima McElroy and I'm really excited. She has the best content on social media with her sweet girls and I have several friends that are nurses and I know how hard they work and how much potential is out there. But I also know that several of them are not maximizing, and so we are talking to Nesima today to learn all the things about how to get that bag and to maximize all of the income and really live the life of your dreams, because she knows that life. So I'm really excited. Nesima, welcome to the Sugar Daddy podcast.

Thank you so much for having me and thank you for the intro.

Oh, yes, well, listen, I know how hard you guys work and there's just so much to that job, right, and it's so underappreciated and I mean not even talking about COVID, right. I mean that was just a disaster. So thank you for your service. But I just want to make sure our goal is always for our friends to get to whatever level it is they're trying to get to, so that we can get to Bora Bora together. Okay, that's the ultimate goal. I love it.

Yes, yes yes, we want to be like hey, bora Bora next week. You ready and everybody's ready. That's the goal, you know, that's right. Yes, I love it. Well, for anybody listening who is not familiar with you, we're going to get into this bio and then we're going to talk about your first money memory.

Okay, naseema is a published author and the founder of financially intentional, a platform about personal finance and living life intentionally. She discusses how taking control of her finances has enabled her to overcome bankruptcy, divorce and break the cycle of living paycheck to paycheck. She shares her lessons along her path to help others benefit from the freedoms of financial independence. Outside of encouraging people to get their financial act together, naseema is a mother and labor and delivery nurse. Though making six figures for years, she struggled with money, finally realizing she couldn't out earn her financial ignorance. She knew she had to make some changes. By shifting her mindset around money being consistent and intentional. She has paid off $1 million in debt and grew a six figure net worth in three years without living in deprivation. What an amazing bio we are so glad to have you on today.

Yay.

Thank you. Thank you All right, naseema. What is your first money memory?

Well, when I was growing up, I remember just having to work at a really young age because my dad was an entrepreneur and he used to work at a flea market it's pretty famous flea market now, both the flea market in Berkeley and the Ashby flea market and just having to work for money in order to buy toys. So I knew that there was this exchange of money that has to happen, or the exchange of time and effort for money and then to buy things. But I always had this feeling like there was never enough. But other than that, money wasn't really talked about in my house, besides the fact that I didn't have a lot of money.

I didn't have access to a lot of money unless I made myself, which I actually started making money at a really early age because I was raised by a single dad and he didn't know how to do our hair and so I had to learn how to braid at five, and so I started braiding other people's hair and making my own money. So my earliest money lesson was that if I wanted money, I'd have to work for it.

Wow, okay, so working at five. How old were you when you were at the flea market working?

That was, that was like I don't know. I remember like my earliest memories were there, so that was, that was I don't know. Three, four, five, oh my goodness, Like I used to. He sells incense and body oil, so we knew how to make incense. We got up for oils and bottles, make bath salts, like all that kind of stuff.

Okay, I'm hearing that we are not working our children enough. That's what I got from that.

I mean, I gotta tell you, I gotta tell you, that was worth it, this conversation.

Oh, my, like I am dreaming of the day when Aston can do her own hair, because she complains about how I do it and my immediate response is always okay, so let's learn. Let's learn how to do it, because then she's like no, no, no, it's too much and I don't want to. But I'm like, wait a minute, I'm gonna be like. Auntie Nassima said that you need to start doing your own hair.

You know what? It's crazy, though. I struggled with this too, because I was working so early and I always be like I'm okay to like slow or something, because half of the time I'm working and half of the time I'm working and I'm like, oh, they're actually just being kids. They're just living the plush life, exactly.

I wasn't allowed to like, I wasn't really allowed to be a kid, so I'm just like so I'll go back and forth in my head and I'm like oh well, I'm glad that we get to give our children the life that we want to, that good, plush, happy child life that I feel like I had it. I know that you had it. I'm sorry that you didn't, but you know we can change all the things that we didn't like in our upbringing now that we have our own children, which I think is such a blessing.

So when are your parents from?

Definitely Oakland Right.

I wasn't sure if it was the first issue. Actually, that's an immigrant type conversation.

No, yeah, I understand that, yeah, no no. Oakland.

Nesteema, why don't you give us some background? Cause there was a lot in this bio. Right, we had bankruptcy, we had divorce. You're working, you're a mom. Now you're building your wealth, now you're helping others build wealth. So can you walk us through kind of that story and that journey that you've been on? We'd love to know more about that.

So I mean, I think I already prefaced this, but you know, I've been making money from my early age, so making money to me was never like an issue. But I was never taught about real wealth right. But I grew up. I grew up in like, west Oakland, which is kind of a hood, but I went to school in the hills, oakland Hills, with, like, when I was like me and my sister. We were the only black people in the whole school and so we were surrounded by wealth. But it always looked unattainable for us because the people who were wealthy didn't look like us and didn't live where we lived, right, and so I always thought that that was for someone else. So like again, making money to me didn't equate to wealth. And then I really didn't understand how to actually build wealth until I was well into my 30s. I said I have been making six figures a long time, even before I was a nurse, like, with all my income, like I always had side hustles on this kind of stuff. So I always made really good money, but I just did not know what to do with that money. But to other people they thought I had it all figured out because it looked like, you know, because I knew how to make money. I had money, but I knew that it wasn't the same thing because I always felt really broke. So when my daughter I had my first daughter and she was around one I had this like moment where I was just like I gotta figure this out and I like I have to do the work to understand what real wealth is and how it'll be attainable for me.

So I went on this dive of like listen to podcasts, books, everything that I surrounded myself with was in the personal finance space and started to implement the things that I learned, focused on my debt at first, and then it was introduced to the fire movement and really got gung-ho about focusing on my investments and all those lessons along the way. I was, like you know, grew up E-20,. Let me share these things, let me share my journey, because I wish this information was accessible for me. Also, the information that I was, or the people that I was learning this information from, didn't look like me, didn't have the same background as me and probably couldn't explain it the way that I could explain it to people that are more relatable to me. So I was just like I have an obligation to share this information because it's not hard. It's just we don't know these things and this information is gate kept, and so that's where financial intentional was born.

As my kids started to grow, they were surrounded by this information as well, and so those conversations became natural, even though they were really, really young. But I started to implement stuff for them that was never implemented for me. Like, my kids have three types of investment accounts. We talk about money all the time. They know how to pick investments, so those conversations around money look way different than they did when I was a kid. And so, yeah, and I like to share those stories of bankruptcy, the story of divorce and all of those kind of things, because all of the things that I've accomplished are paying off million dollars in debt, having almost a million dollars net worth right now, my kids being millionaires in their 20s. Like, all of those things happen in spite of all those sitbacks, because a lot of people use like to say, well, I can't do this because and I like to change the narrative to like no, like you can do it in spite- of yourself.

Yeah, I love how transparent you are about all of that. I know you recently shared about an abusive relationship and I just think that you know there's so much on social media and everything's so glamorized. Right, people are sharing their highlight reels. People are sharing all sorts of lies to let's be clear, right, like, not everything you see is truth, but we really lean into creators like you who do have such a powerful story to share and are really transparent, because I think so much of the narrative, especially in black and brown communities, is, well, I didn't learn it and it's too late. Or I've got all of these obstacles and I can't do it and it's too late. And like, well, we're trying to get across and I think you know what you're trying to get across is it's not too late and we've all had hardships. You know they look different for all of us, but that doesn't mean you can't build wealth one dollar at a time. Right, like you don't wake up an instant millionaire.

One thing that I really love that you said is that you've been making good money for quite some time, but you didn't know how to manage the money.

And that's one of the biggest things that like people have a misconception people always assume, just because someone makes someone's good at a certain skill set or you know a certain career path, are good at that and they equate them being able to be good at that and make money with being good with money, and it's two different things. It's two different things between being able to be good and making money and being good with money, and I love how you highlighted that. You know you had this realization that you needed to change, but with that was there like a certain thing that you could pinpoint where you're like this happened or whatever it may be, where you're like I need to change it now.

It's a funny story. So what happened is I don't like owing people money, I don't like borrowing money, but, like I said, I had my daughter, I had bought my house, I was making good money, but I had so many things to do. I had a brand new house that needed a new law you know landscaping and I had 36 windows. I remember how many windows. I had to pay for window coverings for all those windows and I was like I am tapped out. So I had to ask my sister for money and I was like I make too much money to be asking my sister for money at this age and my 30s. Like this is too much. Like this can't happen again, like we have to figure out, like how not to do this. And, like I said, my daughter was one and I'm like what if something happens to me? Like what would she have? Like a whole bunch of debt. I don't want to leave her with that.

That's amazing because so many people don't realize and they hear, like you know, maybe someone's looking paycheck to paycheck, they automatically assume that it's a small paycheck, that they're, you know, not making a lot of money. And I'm like majority. No, honestly, a majority of people live paycheck to paycheck. Just, some people's paychecks are three or four times larger, but they're still living paycheck to paycheck.

Exactly. It does not matter how much you make. And another thing I wanted to point out is that people always want to say that they'll make different money decisions when they make more money, instead of starting where they're at, like I'll get better with money when I make six figures. No, make six figures, it's probably going to make you worse, I can use better at money, you know. So, oh, that's so funny, these crazy monkeys.

I just saw that. What was that on your end, your owner, that was funny.

It was me and I don't know what apple was this weird?

No, that's such a great point because, again, brandon loves to say you know, it doesn't matter how much money you make, having more of it doesn't make you better with money. And from the conversations I hear and the frustrations he has, you know the clients that he has that have a lot of money, they are the worst budgeters. They are the worst savers not all of them, you know, but it's the teachers and the people who are you know, working really hard but you know, are in fields that traditionally don't earn a lot.

They're the ones saving $30,000 a year on a $40,000 salary. Like, how did you do that?

For me, the way that I equate it is that you know I enjoy going to the gym. I'm a Navin workout person and you, within that, you cannot outwork a bad diet. So no matter how much you work out, if you're not eating properly you're not going to see the results that you want. Same idea with your money. You know you're not going to be able to out-earn bad habits.

Yes, that's 100%. That's what it is.

Where were you spending money to get into debt to then pay off a million dollars Like where did that money go? Right Like how does somebody get into the $30,000 debt?

Right, that's always a question right, right, it was all normal things, all normal things, all the things that people told me I was supposed to have, right? So of course there's more Mortgage. I live in San Francisco Bay Area, like median mortgage, just like $700,000, right, but I had $200,000 in a student loan debt. I mean, they told me to go to school by any means necessary and the only thing that was available for me were loans. So I thought, you know, and so I have two master's degrees and so I have $200,000 in student loan debt and just normal stuff. You know, took out money against my 403B to put a down payment on my house, and then cars, medical debt, like other things.

But you're not like the red robbers not parked in the driveway, so it was. No, no, no, it gets so expensive, and obviously you're in such a high cost of living area too that that just compounds the things that are part of normal life, right, like a place to live and a car, student loans, et cetera. So it adds up quickly.

But like you said, they don't teach you this stuff, and I was supposed to say with the student loan. You know, we were the first generation where student loans were a big thing, so, like a lot of people's family had never dealt with that before, so they didn't even know how to help you deal with it. I'm fortunate in the sense that my mom worked in higher education. My mom was a college professor, so she was much more well versed in regards to how we should navigate that. But for most people like I, the one thing I don't like about the student loan conversation is when people are like oh, you took the loan out and you should pay it back.

I'm like well, in reality people's parents took the loan out and they were like that's all, and that's the whole thing they're like well, I guess, if you're smart enough to go to college, you're smart enough to figure out student loans.

That is not true, and that's so not fair either.

That is not true, like exactly exactly, and it's not as black and white as people think as well. Like you said, we're the first generation that actually, at 17, 18 years old, we're able to sign up for six years in debt when we weren't guaranteed to be making that money. So why would you blame a 17-year-old versus blaming these loan servicers that knew what they were doing, that knew that they were putting these people in debt?

So I just think it's you know think about it like that the terms and conditions of student loans are that when we took them out we're way worse than what's being put out there now, that they've learned from their mistakes. But a lot of people don't realize especially people who don't have student loans that the student loans that we're taking out like I started college in 2001,. They were completely different than what is being offered to people now.

Well, they're not as predatory.

Correct 1999.

Exactly.

So, ok, you had your wake-up moment. You were like, ok, window treatments for these 36 windows and now you're going to your sister for money. And so you had this wake-up moment. You have a one-year-old. You started immersing yourself in all the financial literacy and education that you could find. Was there anybody along the way aside from the books and podcasts and things that was able to help you? Or did you seek out additional advice to kind of get that debt reduction journey and just kind of get you on that path of investing? And how did you navigate all of that once you started reading and consuming all of that material?

I literally just started doing all the things that people were mentioning, like I didn't seek out a financial advisor. I never had like good experiences with financial advisors. I've tried to have a financial advisor once and I was just like you don't make enough money for me, so I didn't even think that that was an option.

Did they say that to you just like that? So I Did they say to you just like that, Because I mean I work in the industry and I know how it can be, so I hate to hear that experience.

It was just like well, we only work with people who have like $200,000 liquid to invest. And I was just like well, that's kind of silly, like how do I If I don't invest. And this is me like when I was making $200,000 a year, like you know, like. So it was very discouraging. So I was like I guess I'm my mom.

You seem to figure it out.

And so, like the first thing that I had, I figured it out, but I made a lot of mistakes, a lot of costly mistakes, unnecessarily right, because I did not have anyone to guide me. And the thing is personal finance is personal, so you can't just follow the blueprint Like I found myself, like trying to follow a blueprint that wasn't necessarily the right blueprint for me and I made huge mistakes that cost me six figures. You know, even despite, like, like I said, that's another thing in spite of you know, I still achieve these things. But I could be so much further along if I had the right guidance and if I knew that you didn't have to be like this. But yeah, it was, it was challenging, but I still, I still, you know, still I rise, you know, like my Angelo says. You know, and that's why I tell people you don't have to have it all figured out and, yes, you will make mistakes. It's better to have someone that you can be a guidepost, but, you know, the best thing to do is just get started.

It's sad because I can go on for hours about how many things I don't like about financial services as far as the old model. But I can give some people hope that I'll say I would say I'm on the older end of the younger advisor, so I just turned 40. And there is a definitely a different way about going helping people. One, you know, removing that friction as far as an entry level so as far as not having minimums that someone has to have in order for you to work with them and finding different ways that you can actually help people at a much lower cost point and not just simply, you know, putting that wall up and saying like, oh, you don't have enough money so we can't help you.

Like I hate to hear that because that's not at all like how I work. Like now, obviously you have to have a certain amount of money to pay a financial advisor. But in certain scenarios where I've met people where, like, they don't have, they're not at that point, I give them a firm list of things that they can work on and, you know, really good guidance in the sense of, hey, you're not quite there yet, but here's ABCD and E that you know go ahead, and this is how you can go about doing it, and if you do these things correctly, use these resources that are you know. With this, then you should be able to get to this point.

Definitely, definitely, and I even, as I'm going through this journey over the last couple of years, like the barriers to access have totally dropped, like to be able to invest and to be able to get financial help, like with the fintech and how that's evolved so rapidly, like there's no excuses anymore, especially like as much information is out there, like it has exponentially grown just in the last couple of years.

I was just saying the hardest part is what you had stated is personal. Finance is personal. So being able to weed through all the abundance of information and find out what pertains to your specific situation and what would actually work for you, I probably say that's the hardest thing, because there's an abundance of access information. It's just a matter of figuring out what is the right information.

Yeah, now it's almost an influx if you're, especially if you're trying to consume it. Now it's, if you're looking for it. It's kind of everywhere. And then now you have to discern oh, is this correct or is this not? Or you know now that you really have to be mindful of not all information out. There is good information, so that's now a whole nother layer that we didn't have before. So, yeah, yeah, that's true. So talk to us about financially intentional, because you have your own podcast. You have, you know, you've authored content, you offer courses, so you went from each one to each one. I'm assuming it was like smaller scale. Maybe you're talking to friends and family, and then now you have all these offerings. What was that journey like and why? Why did you decide to kind of go big and not just keep it for yourself and your circle?

Yeah. So as much as I talk about being financially intentional, none of this was intentional like as far as being a business, and so it's kind of hard because now I'm like backing into, like being an entrepreneur. I never like like that wasn't like my thing, Like I'm definitely a side hustler, but like having a formal, like entrepreneurial business is like all new to me and knew I wasn't equipped right, but it was kind of like force for lack of a better word right, Like as soon as I started sharing my story, the numbers like were so intriguing, you know, it started getting picked up by media outlets. When it started getting picked up by media outlets, people were like well, how can I work with you? And I'm like I'll help you.

I can't help you, I'm just trying to help myself and so gradually it got to the point where so many people were asking me. I was like, well, I guess I have to put this thing together. But, and so it's kind of been like piecemeal and it is involved to the point where, like fend, head companies reach out to me to consult with them. Like, well now, like you built this big, this big audience of nurses, you've been able to help people, help us do the same thing on a larger scale.

I was like I'm just a nurse, like what do I know? But I've had to learn along the way. So a lot of it is like me being asked to do things that I didn't even know were in my wheelhouse and then figuring it out and then like back ending it, you know, and making sure that I have the systems in place to be able to support it. But let me tell you something I will be happy to go back to labor and delivery nurse any day, because this entrepreneurial stuff is really really hard. But I'm so driven by it and I'm so motivated to help people that I do it in spite of all the hurdles that I have to go through, because I know that people need to hear it, and they need to hear it.

I'm curious to know. I feel like a lot of people are like, how do you do it all? And my response is always like, well, my tank is always empty, I'm always tired. Don't ask me what's on TV, because we don't watch TV, right Like. We're all like as soon as you know, my computer closes for my nine to five, it's kids and sugar daddy podcast, right Like. And then on the weekends, and I mean, I'm sure this is this is your life too. But couple of follow up questions are you still like working as a nurse? And then, are you still doing it all, like all your? I mean, obviously you're doing a lot of videos on social media, which are you and your girls, so I know that's you but like, do you have help in building this empire? You're looking at us like girl no, it's just me, me myself and I.

For the most part, is me. I have hired people along the way and I have mixed results with that, but most of the time is just me and there's no such thing as balance in my life, like if I'm focusing on something, something else is getting less attention. But I have a. I have young kids, right, so I have to prioritize them, and so I am still employed as a labor and delivery nurse. I only worked three months this year because I was on maternity leave and maternity leave, by the way.

I think people think that that that time off is like, and even we program ourselves to be like well, I'm not at work so I can do all of these things. No, like, especially with this pregnancy. I'm old. I do it too, you know. You think you have this free time, right, but I had to focus on making sure I was taking care of this baby properly, making sure that I was recovering mentally and physically, and then that's been really taxing.

So in this time, a lot of things have had to like be put on the back burner, especially like in my business. So my answer is I do what I can when I can and I stop when I don't feel like it, and that's how things get done and if things fall off, they'll fall off, don't worry. Like listen, I thought like a lot of the money that I make is through brand collaborations and partnerships and, like for a couple years, I posted consistently every day and when I started to feel bad with this pregnancy, I was like I'm not doing what I don't feel like doing and I stopped and I thought, well, that's going to slow down my money. Actually, it didn't.

That's good to know that's a plus and so, like, it's just these things that, yeah, it's just these things that these mental blocks that we have about like taking a break and pulling back or not going hard 100% in this thing there's seasons for everything and right now I'm heavily in the season of like being with my family. I just had a big loss in my family. So, like you know, that's what I'm focused on and, you know, in the back end, things will work out how they work out in my business. But I don't proclaim to do it all, because I don't.

And I think the fact that you're so honest about it is only going to keep your eyes open, your audience even more engaged. Right, because and like we're big fans of Tiffany Aliche, the budget Nesta, and obviously, when she suffered her big loss, when she stepped away for a long time, as she should, right and as she needed to. And then the episode of their podcast Brown Ambition, when they, when she came back, that just won them another webby. Right, like, people will support you taking care of yourself, you taking care of home, you taking care of yours. Right, and that doesn't always happen on social media, that's not. I mean, yes, we're trying to build community and show up for the people who are in community with us, but you're going to be able to do that better when you take care of yourself. So I think I think that's great From my perspective, because we've been following you for quite some time.

We were following you separately, like we didn't know that each other follow each other. Yes, on our personal accounts.

Yeah, before, before we even started the podcast. And then we started making a list of all the people we wanted to talk to and you were on the list and I was like, what'd you know about Nesema?

And he was like I've been following her for years, no, you know, within this, you know financial literacy like there's not a lot of there's not. There's more than there have been the past, but there's still not a lot of people that look like us. So yeah.

So again, we're building that community. We have been supporting you and from my perspective, I was like how is she doing these videos with the baby strap to her and all that? I'm like to me, it never felt like you were gone or that you were taking this long, extended break. I mean my mind, I'm like how is she doing all these videos all the time? I mean it's just very, and even when you're traveling with the girls, right, and when you went to Fincon, you're still doing your videos and all your dancing and you know, finding the joy in everyday life and I just think it's beautiful. So you do you and you take those breaks.

I also think it's a hard thing for us. I think the issue honestly resides more within women, because of society expects you to basically almost do everything without complaining. So you guys internalize all that so much more than men do and they're like, oh, if it happens, it happens, it's whatever.

You know.

so we just try to do too much all the time 100% and it's constantly like there's always these things, like it's the mom guilt and it's the guilt around my business, is guilt around this community. There's always some kind of thing that I'm not doing right, right, like I have failed myself or failed my kids and, like you know, there's there's always these things in my mind like, oh my god, like why am I like just chilling and watching TV when I know I have this content that I'm supposed to be creating? I have this thing and I'm just like because, girl, you need a break. What's gonna happen to you? Like what's up, if somebody, if something happened to you, who gonna take care of these kids? You know, at the end of the day, like there'll be somebody, but I want it to be me.

Yeah, we've got a set. Especially in this content creator world, we have to set our boundaries and we have to. We have to just prioritize us and our families and our health and our mental well-being. And you know, we can also see when you're not not you, but when we aren't in it for the content, right when it's like. You can see when somebody's like posting to post yeah, uninspired versus hey, this genuinely looks like a happy video. I can tell that they were excited to create this, etc. Right like it will come through in your content. So you might as well just take the break that you need and come back refreshed, you know. So exactly what is next for Nesima and financially intentional, what can we help celebrate?

oh, my goodness, you know what. Just celebrate the fact that I am still here right now because, like listen, if I am still in straight-up survival mode, I'm just looking forward to bringing more to the community, like really like gung-ho, like refining everything, like I said, like I've had to back in a lot of things, that I know that there are systems that could be put in place to make it more optimal for people to experience all the content and all the things that I have. So like just look forward to, like financially intentional, just doing a revamp and really trying to make sure that people are getting the information that they need and the access that they need to be in the coming year.

But right now don't look forward to much because we will let you rest in this season, because it is what you need. You still have a brand new baby, so get your rest, get your sleep. Content can wait. We will be here, waiting and supporting you and rooting for you whenever you are ready, girlfriend, okay and I appreciate all the love.

Let me tell you I have had a really downpouring, huge downpouring of love and I feel it all, even if I don't respond. Like I really have some real true like supporters, like I even just appreciate you guys mentioning how long you've been following me, because that means the world to me, because I'm just like well me, like who cares about what I have to say, like I. There's still a lot of that impasse or syndrome.

So I really appreciate that and like I really appreciate people understanding that you know I can't be a hundred percent we are here, we will understand, we are gonna rock with you and you're seeing, in all of the seasons, whatever those look like. So we are so glad that you carved out some time with us today when you could have been resting. So that means the world to us, and we're so glad to share this message with our community and we'll just be rooting for you along the way. So thank you for being with us today.

I am so honored to be here. I don't take it lightly that she asked me, so I really appreciate you guys.

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