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I deal with tons of clients and a lot of times I've asked people about their children, because it's part of our conversation, and they're like oh yeah, they're fine, they get along beautifully.
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And I'm just like OK, did they share their toys when you left the room?
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Oh no, they fought like cats and dogs.
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I said you're going to leave the room, how are they going to act then?
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And that's sometimes the first time parents are like oh yeah, my adult kids, like if we're really honest.
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Hey babe, what are we talking about today?
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Today we are going to have a really important conversation.
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I know we've talked about it on past episodes.
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We've talked about wills and trusts and probate and how to prepare for the inevitable right.
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A little bit of an uncomfortable conversation, but it's one that we need to have and we want to help inform our audience about why having a will and a trust and guardianship and conservatorship for our families, for our children, and why that's so important, and also why and how that helps preserve wealth within our communities, because what we hear a lot is that, especially within the black community, when we don't have proper documentation in place, that is how we lose our wealth, that is how we lose our assets.
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And so we're going to have a really incredible conversation today with an attorney, because we are not attorneys, but Nicola Rochester Robinson is, and so we are so excited to welcome her to the Sugar Daddy podcast today.
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Nicola, thank you for being with us today.
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My absolute pleasure.
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We are so thrilled to have this conversation.
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So you have been in this field for quite some time.
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We're going to start off with your bio so that our audience can learn a little bit about you, but I don't want to waste any time.
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We have an important conversation to have today.
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We want to get into all of the details, pick your brain, use your expertise and your knowledge to help inform our audience.
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So let's get into this bio and kick it off audience.
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So let's get into this bio and kick it off.
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Nicola Rochester Robinson is the co-founder of the SR Law Group, an elder law and estate planning law firm in Douglasville, georgia.
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Prior to starting the SR Law Group, she began her legal career as a trial attorney at Kozen O'Connor, where she worked most notably on litigation surrounding the events of September 11, notably, on litigation surrounding the events of September 11, 2011.
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In 2009, she began helping friends with estate planning.
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A few years later, several members of her own family passed away and she saw firsthand the importance of having properly drafted wills, trusts and other end-of-life decision-making documents.
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It was through this work that she found her true passion for helping families understand the importance of estate planning and elder law.
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Nicola, a proud graduate of Emory University and Penn State Law.
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In her spare time she enjoys hanging out with family and volunteering with her beloved sorority, alpha Kappa.
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Alpha Sorority Incorporated.
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Thank you, nicola.
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My pleasure.
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I'm so excited to be here.
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Did you mean of 2001?
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September 11, 2001?
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Maybe.
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Yeah, is that Feels right?
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Okay, yep, okay, we're just going to skip right over that.
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It's okay, it happens 2001.
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September 11, 2001.
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Well, you know, when I said it I was like 2011,.
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That feels dated.
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I'm going to go have a sip of this coffee and we're going to get right back into it.
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Nicola, we start all of our conversations with understanding people's first money memory and then you know seeing how that has impacted what they do now, their thoughts around money, feelings around money, how you interact with money, obviously wills, trust, estate planning.
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All of that comes down ultimately to assets, to finances, to money.
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So what is your first money memory?
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Oh, that's a good one.
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Um, okay, the one that immediately came to mind when you asked the question was when I was a Girl Scout.
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So we're going to take this back to like third or fourth grade and I was a cookie seller.
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And this is back in a day when you could actually go door to door, knock on people's door, sell cookies, you know, when we thought it was safe.
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And I remember there was a time when I had collected all my money.
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I knocked on everybody's door, everybody placed their order and gave me the money, and then I got home and I had lost it.
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I dropped the envelope with all of the Girl Scout money and I remember just like this complete feeling of dread, because my mom was also the Girl Scout cookie, was our Girl Scout troop leader.
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So I'm like I can't go home, I can't tell my mama.
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I remember her like being on the phone with other parents about the money being due, like it was just always high stress in our household around cookie season.
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So I remember like just sitting in the yard crying, just oh, my god, I cannot believe I lost this money, and I was like, okay, like be smart about this, like retrace your steps.
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And it was false.
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It was leaves everywhere too, which is odd, but I remember looking down and there it was, the envelope with the money and so being able to find it like crisis averted.
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That was the first thought, like the minute you asked about money memory that it.
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Do you have any remembrance of how much money was in that envelope?
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no idea, but I just remember the feeling that I had about having lost it, like, oh my god, like the panic, just sheer terror and panic you knew the importance of actually keeping the money to place these orders, so oh my gosh I just got stressed for you I was a cub scout so we didn't do.
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We weren't fortunate enough to have the cookies because we had popcorn, which really nobody wanted, so it really wasn't a big thing for the cub scouts we've had.
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We had a previous oh go ahead.
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I was top cookie seller so I was always rolling in the dough, so I'm sure it had to be in like a decent amount of money yeah, that's high stress at such a young age, but also kind of helps you understand the importance of like.
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You don't want to lose this Like.
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You need to hold on to it yes.
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Yeah.
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I love that.
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Well, we are not here to talk about Girl Scout cookies.
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We are here to talk about something much more important, which is proper estate planning and making sure that proper documentation is in place.
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And I read that when your grandmother passed away who was your favorite person that there was land and correct me if any of these details are wrong, but there was land left to your father and siblings but it sounds like documentation was not the way it should have been and so it caused a lot of tension.
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Can you talk to us about your experience with you know what you saw during that time and how it impacted you?
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Yes, absolutely so.
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My grandmother passed like 2010, I think, and her children.
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She had five children.
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My father was the oldest of her children, but he was not her biological child.
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He was her stepchild, but she was the only parent he really knew in terms of his mother.
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When his biological father and his stepmother divorced, he stayed with his stepmom, so, again, that was who raised him.
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And then he had four siblings as well, who were his half siblings because they also shared the same father.
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When my grandmother passed and we sat down after the funeral and to hear my aunt say to my father well, you're not her child, you don't get anything Like, I will never remember.
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Forget how that felt.
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This was the only grandmother I'd ever known, so if my father's not her, child.
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Wait, are you saying.
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I'm not her grandchild, and that's really what it came down to.
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They felt like, well, you weren't biologically her child, there's nothing in place to you know, say anything otherwise, so you're not getting anything.
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My grandmother had inherited land from her parents.
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Um, and it was kind of always just conversation in the family like who would this land would be divided between the five of them?
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Um, people even knew what parts of the land they would get.
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Like this was open conversation for years.
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One of my uncles he had already even built his house on his.
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He was like, well, just, I'll take my, my fifth right now, build a house for me and my family.
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And another uncle had started a house on his side.
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So it really was just my father and his two sisters who were like, okay, well, we need to divide up our portion.
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And they were just very adamant, like no, he's, you're not entitled to any of this land.
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And so the the hurt that came out of that um, and I I hate to tell you this, but the reality is this what, 12 years later, that that that has never been repaired in our family.
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My grandmother was really the matriarch and the glue that bind us together and after that conversation.
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Our family has never been the same.
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Just the hurt that my dad experienced from that.
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And then to see those same siblings struggling with that land, not really doing anything with the land, and watching what my grandmother built deteriorate Um and.
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And watching what my grandmother built deteriorate, um, because there was no plan in place, quite honestly, because there was no clear directions as to who was going to get what.
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So, yeah, that's kind of what was the springing board for my whole career.
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That is heartbreaking.
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Heartbreaking and unfortunately not uncommon, I mean yeah exactly when you start to see people's true colors, when money starts to get involved.
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Well, that was going to be my question is up until that point, would you say that all the siblings had a good relationship, was it?
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You know happy and holidays, and you are my family.
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And then, once the land came into question, then it was wait a minute, pump the brakes, or what was the dynamic before that?
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Yeah, absolutely.
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When my grandma was alive, we all convened at her house.
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She was, you know, the linchpin.
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All the five siblings plus their children, all would get together.
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Never any conversation about.
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These aren't my aunts, or, you know, these people aren't biologically related.
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I even remember it is such a clear memory at the funeral there were some strangers that sat behind me but I could hear their conversation and I remember them.
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When my dad got up to say the eulogy and they were like, well, you know, that's her oldest.
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And the other woman was like, yeah, he moved to, yeah, he moved away, but she loved her.
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My dad's name's Anthony.
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They're like, oh, she loved her some Tony.
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She talked about Tony all the time.
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So I could hear these strangers talking so affectionately at my grandmother's funeral about how my grandmother felt about my father, only for his siblings to then turn and say this and so, yeah, we were great tight knit until that day.
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And you know, that's what people I think that's the part that people need to remember right Is that everything can be fine and dandy when it's fine and dandy, but then, when it comes to what did this person actually want, what were their wishes, and how do we actually execute on those wishes If there's nothing in place?
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Unfortunately, that's when people's I hate to say it true colors sometimes show up, you know, and I think most of us have the mindset of well, it's fine, everything's fine, we get along great.
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My sibling would never do this to me, my so-and-so would never do this to me, but if it's not in writing, it all falls apart, right?
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I mean unfortunately.
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I've experienced, you know, similar things in my family, when my grandfather passed away and my grandmother was still alive.
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You know, it wasn't as if both my grandparents were gone.
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My grandfather passed away and we had you know, I had relatives asking you know, what am I going to get now?
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And I'm like, our grandmother is so alive.
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Like first off.
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First off and then, like also she was in the early stages of Alzheimer's, I was like she gets everything, she's so alive and she's going to need it to pay for the care.
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And even after she passed, eventually, you know, there were some people asking you know, what am I going to get?
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And it's like there's nothing left.
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I'm like she was in full assisted care living and my mom is.
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The was the youngest of her three siblings and fortunately, her two other siblings have passed since then.
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But her being the youngest, she was actually the one that took care of everything because of just she was a more responsible one and stuff of that nature.
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So I've seen it firsthand where I'm like you know, you, like you said, you need to have whatever you want done, it needs to be in writing, legalized, and everything that nature.
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Because, as you said, you know, you can't just simply go off the word of oh, we're on good terms, we'll take care of everything, it'll be fine.
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That's not what happens when the incomes, you know, I mean I can tell you.
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I mean, I deal with tons of clients and a lot of times I've asked people about their children because it's part of our conversation and they're like, oh yeah, they're fine, they get along beautifully and I'm just like okay, did they share their toys when you left the room?
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Oh no, they fought like cats and dogs.
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I said you're going to leave the room?
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How are they going to act then?
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And that's sometimes the first time parents are like, ooh, yeah, my adult kids.
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Ooh.
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Like, if we're really honest, I love that If they were not helpful as children, it's also very realistic, right, like I mean, our parents thankfully have everything in writing and in place and you know, if they didn't.
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Because I made them.
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Well, that too.
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But if they didn't, you know me and my brother, for example everything gets split down the middle, right, and like there would be no question about that.
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But again, you don't want to leave it up to chance, right, Because people's relationships change and dynamics change.
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And you know, we both know that when that time comes for our parents, we will be taking care of the estate.
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Right, we are the paperwork doers, we are the ones who are, you know, in proximity, closest.
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I'm also a financial advisor, right?
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I mean, there's so many elements, so we know that we would be taking care of a lot of that, if not the most of it, and we would still.
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Everything would still be split, even if it wasn't in writing.
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I made my mom, I was like my mom?
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Oh, I challenged that.
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Oh, you just said that.
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Mom, I was like my mom, I challenged that.
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Oh, you just said that if there yeah, you said that, even if it wasn't in writing, it would be 50 50 between me and my brother.
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Well, what I see a lot of times is there might be some unresolved issues that you don't even know your brother has, and so then brother says, well, mom loved me more or loved you more, and it's not fair.
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And so then he challenges that 50-50.
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Yeah.
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We always mess with mom.
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So we have these assumptions that it's just like oh, because that's the right thing that makes sense.
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It should be down the middle.
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Our brother feels like he should be entitled to the whole thing.
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Yeah, I know that seems unfathomable to you, but he may feel very strongly that it should be 100% to him.
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We always do, and that's the problem.
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Most people just rely on the assumption that, oh, even if it's not written down, it'll be fine.
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Yeah, and you know what they say about assumptions.
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Yeah, absolutely Exactly.
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You're totally right.
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And even I could you know if I was playing devil's advocate on both sides.
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I could easily then be like you know what I'm doing all this paperwork, I'm doing everything to settle the estate.
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I'm the one who did x, y and z.
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I deserve 70, right, like I could totally flip the script too.
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And so, again, let's not leave it up to chance, right?
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Exactly.
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Have you been listening to our podcast and wondering how am I really doing with my money?
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Am I doing the right things with my investments?
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Am I on track to reach my financial goals?
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What could I be doing better?
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If you answered yes to any of these questions, then it's time for you to reach out to Brandon to schedule your free yes, I said free 30-minute introduction conversation to see how his services could help make you the more confident moneymaker we know you could be.
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What are you waiting for?
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It's literally free and at the very least, you'll walk away feeling more empowered and confident about your financial future.
00:17:23.873 --> 00:17:25.505
Link is in our show notes.
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Go schedule your call today.
00:17:27.082 --> 00:17:39.529
I think this is a perfect segue into because there's so many elements in estate planning, so we're going to focus on a couple today.
00:17:39.529 --> 00:17:45.608
But can you just give us an overview of what is estate planning and why is it important?
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Sure.
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So when we hear the word estate, even that word has just certain belief systems around it, like we start thinking of the Vanderbilts or, you know, the Rockefellers or these groups of people who we've known traditionally used to have a whole bunch of money.
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But, honestly, your estate is everything you have.
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So, whether that's your car, whether that's your bank accounts, even if it's just a few dollars in there, the house that you own, you don't have to have large estates.
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It's everything you own that is titled in your name, that currently belongs to you.
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That is what makes up your estate.
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So even think life insurance policies, retirement accounts, all of those.
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Those are all the things that we will need to have a plan for if something were to happen to you.
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That's really what estate planning is putting that plan in place.
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So we have a clear understanding of not only what's going to happen to those things, but who's in charge, who's going to be the one to distribute those things to whoever it is that you have named as the beneficiary of those things.
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I like to think of estate planning as really twofold.
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We talk about the stuff, and that's where people start talking about wills and we start talking about trust, but then there's a larger, often ignored portion of estate planning where we have to talk about planning for you, your person.
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There is a whole chapter of life called sickness.
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We might not get to your stuff for a number of years.
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We got to talk about dementia.
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We got to talk about if you're going to go into a nursing home or some type of facility, who is going to be in charge at that point?
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Where's the funds going to come from for that?
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So we do advanced healthcare directives, we do power of attorneys, we do documents that can facilitate the sickness portion of life.
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So that's the state planning in a nutshell.
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I love that.
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Now I think the second part of your question was why is it important?
00:19:44.285 --> 00:19:48.689
Well, that's, that's a that could be the whole show really.
00:19:48.689 --> 00:19:54.794
So I give, I guess, the briefest answer to that is without.
00:19:54.794 --> 00:19:58.176
You know, I guess biblically they say without a plan that people will perish.
00:19:58.176 --> 00:20:13.406
Exactly why, if we don't have a plan in place, what I have seen and what in my experience is the fighting and the loss of assets because there is no plan.
00:20:13.406 --> 00:20:18.295
So it's important to do estate planning so that things can transfer seamlessly from one person or one generation to the next one.
00:20:20.840 --> 00:20:38.055
I was going to say I think it's really interesting to hear you say the second part of estate planning as far as, like you know, your health directive and stuff of that nature, Because I think that's a big part that people don't think about, especially, you know, individuals who don't have children, because normally most people seem like oh my kids will take care of me and stuff of that nature.
00:20:38.339 --> 00:20:45.397
But we have a generation of people, that there's a lot more people that are opting to not have children, that there's a lot more people that are opting to not have children.
00:20:45.397 --> 00:20:58.548
So it's even more important that they have those things in place so that if that day does come and they do need that help, it's already in writing what's going to occur, cause I, like I said, I experienced there was nothing in place, written wise, when my grandpa, my grandfather, passed away and my grandmother had Alzheimer's.
00:20:58.548 --> 00:21:10.010
But thankfully my mom stepped up and then luckily there was enough money because we didn't know beforehand, but luckily it was enough money where you could go into a really nice facility not, you know, a medic, a Medicaid, a Medicaid facility.
00:21:10.010 --> 00:21:17.323
But it is like you said, it's very important to have those things written out and plan wise prior to even needing to use them.
00:21:18.848 --> 00:21:20.741
Absolutely so.
00:21:20.741 --> 00:21:22.890
A lot of times people go ahead.
00:21:23.400 --> 00:21:44.856
Well, I was going to say a lot of times what Brandon says is sometimes if somebody dies, it's actually easier to manage that than when somebody has become disabled or permanently ill or is fighting, you know, and progressing through dementia and Alzheimer's, because then you're left with the kind of the shell of the person, if you will.
00:21:44.856 --> 00:22:01.772
I know that sounds terrible, but that's the reality and then you're also strapped with the burden of their care and the cost of that care, and so sometimes that is more detrimental on a family, especially when there isn't a plan in place, as compared to death and now they're gone.
00:22:04.241 --> 00:22:05.126
No, absolutely.
00:22:05.126 --> 00:22:13.827
We've seen families really fall apart under just caregiving, the stress of caregiving, the expense of caregiving.
00:22:13.827 --> 00:22:17.864
I don't think people again, we don't think about this stuff, so we haven't looked into it.
00:22:17.864 --> 00:22:20.451
We don't know what it costs to put somebody in a nursing home.
00:22:20.451 --> 00:22:29.844
Unfortunately it's part of my practice and so here in Georgia the average nursing home is $7,500 to $10,000 a month.
00:22:30.865 --> 00:22:36.515
Most Americans did not save enough to be able to cover that cost.
00:22:36.515 --> 00:22:41.310
And what they did save, their intention was to pass that to the next generation.
00:22:41.310 --> 00:22:45.771
They didn't bookmark that money to say, oh, that's going to be for my nursing home care.
00:22:45.771 --> 00:22:57.834
And so there's a whole thought process like, well, I really worked really hard to give my kids a leg up, or to give my grandkids you know something, to be able to move the needle for them.
00:22:57.834 --> 00:23:02.866
Never in my wildest dreams that I think, oh wait, I'm gonna have to deplete all of that.
00:23:03.368 --> 00:23:07.566
Just because we're living longer I might have to go into this type of facility.
00:23:07.566 --> 00:23:16.930
And so that's where estate planning can also really be helpful, because there are things and tools that we can do under estate planning.
00:23:16.930 --> 00:23:32.455
That gives you the ability to still pass assets to family members, but look at government assistance like Medicaid as another option for paying for a nursing home or long term care facility.
00:23:32.455 --> 00:23:35.209
So it gives you kind of the best of both.
00:23:35.209 --> 00:23:44.752
So you can still keep some assets, pass them as you intended, but still be able to maybe get some benefits from the government to pay for that care.
00:23:46.661 --> 00:23:47.282
And I can.
00:23:47.282 --> 00:23:50.811
Like I said, unfortunately, I've seen too many times of nursing home in my family.
