Transcript
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If you don't feel connected to the tithe, you don't have to do it.
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But for those who do feel connected to it, to tell them to stop to pay off debt even though the numbers financially work, it would be a violation of their conscience.
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And now I'm causing them to sin, and so I can't put someone in a position to violate their conscience and sin against their God when they've made a commitment, even if that commitment looks like on paper that financially it's hurting them.
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Hey babe, what are we talking about today?
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Today we have a super amazing guest in our stew.
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We have Lilius John.
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She is one of the fierce women that I met at the Women in Money event.
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Remember when I popped literally in and out of New York City and Lilius and I had we met.
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We sat next to each other at dinner and our conversation just blew me away.
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And I was like you have to be on our podcast, so guess what?
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She is here with us today, lilius, we are so excited to have you.
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Thank you for being on the Sugar Daddy podcast.
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Thank you, this is so exciting and I loved meeting you, jessica.
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We had such a good conversation.
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It was instant connection.
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And I I was like and we're soul sisters and she also lives in North Carolina so we're practically neighbors.
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Yeah, it was just meant to be it was just meant to be it was
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for sure in case anybody doesn't know, one of just the superpowers is that she connects with everybody she's a people person.
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Person.
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I'm semi opposite.
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You're like a troll that wants to stay at home and not be bothered.
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I'm like, oh, I talked to our neighbor so and so and he's like who?
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And I'm like we've lived here for six years, how do you not know who our neighbors are?
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But anyways, it is my superpower and that has led us to Lilius.
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So I'm really excited.
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Now, this conversation I'm just going to say up front it can go in so many directions because Lilius, really she's just a force.
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But I essentially told her we need to recreate our conversation from dinner because there was so much.
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I mean, my jaw was just on the floor and I was like tell me more, I need to know more.
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So we're going to do a little bit of everything, but let's get into this bio so that people know who you are and all the different directions we could potentially take in this conversation today.
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Yeah, sounds good, yay, okay.
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Lillias John, also known as your financial stylist, is a finance coach, real estate consultant and mom of six.
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So y'all already know she's a superhero.
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She teaches biblical financial principles which clients use to transform their finances, break free from debt and start to manage money God's way.
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With over 20 years experience in real estate, she is also known for teaching homeowners how to build equity in their home without being a landlord, airbnb host or house flipper.
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She has writing credits in Huffington Post, black Enterprise, debtcom, creditcom, and is a respected voice in the personal finance industry.
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Okay, so see what I mean.
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Like we could go real estate, we can go biblical finance, we can do all the things.
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How do you manage to have six kids and still do all the things?
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How?
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do you manage to have six kids and and still do all the things?
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Yeah, yeah.
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Are you sane?
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Lilias are you.
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That's a.
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I think so, by the grace of god yes, six kids.
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Well, we always start off our conversations with our guests with your first money memory and I know that's going to kind of lead us into the rest of our discussion, but but if you would share that with us, we'd love to hear it.
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It's funny because I don't think we talked about that at dinner.
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But my first money memory is with my grandmother and her having like envelopes tucked all over the house with money, like under the dresser, under the mattress, in different drawers.
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She had envelopes of money stashed away all different places in the house as her savings account.
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No this was just like additional.
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She had a savings account too.
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She had a savings account for herself, she had a savings account for me, and then she had, like all these other little stashes.
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So what was?
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the purpose of having?
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What was the purpose of I?
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think maybe certain ones for like were like for bills like that maybe weren't due yet, but she was receiving Social Security and so she got one check a month and was just I don't know why they were tucked under dressers and I don't know.
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That part I can't answer, but yeah, I don't know.
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Did part I can't answer, but yeah, I don't know, Did you ever bring her an envelope and be like grandma?
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What's this?
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No, oh, no, no, I like my life I had to like Just find a random envelope somewhere.
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See and don't see, I would have to just put it back and like I remember, like, looking for, like my shoe one day and going under the dresser and finding this envelope of money and just, and my shoe and your shoe, putting it back and taking my shoe and going about my day.
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That is so funny.
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If I did that, I would.
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I would just be losing money.
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You sure would, all over the house.
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I would never find it again.
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Never, I know I'm so organized that I I over organize myself sometimes so organized that you over organize.
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So organized you can't find things don't make that face.
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That's rude.
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It's rude.
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Well, there's probably something really beneficial to glean from that.
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I'm telling you, yeah so is your.
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is your grandmother still with us?
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Okay, when she did pass, did you guys have to, like, scour through the house to account for all the envelopes?
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Yes, yes, in fact I was the one who was able to tell them.
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There are envelopes, here's one, here's another one, you know, and it was kind of like I don't think my family had no idea.
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I definitely have heard stories from other people that I know that when their grandparents passed away, that they're going through the house and organizing everything and finding money in pots and pans, finding money in old shoeboxes and stuff like that Oatmeal containers Seems like maybe a common thing with that generation.
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Yeah, I think so, I think so they wanted to spread their money out.
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Yeah Well, lilius, at dinner we talked about so many things, but I want to start off our conversation about how you, how you started your money journey right, because even on your social media, you're very open about the things that have happened in your life, the money mistakes that you've made.
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You know you're not out here being like I'm a millionaire who's done everything perfectly.
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You're like no, there have been hurdles and blocks and learnings along the way.
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And one of one of the things that you mentioned early on in our conversation was your adoption story, and then, what happened with your biological father, so I would love for you to share that with our audience and kind of how that catapulted your your finance journey.
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Yeah, so okay.
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So my grandmother passed away in 92 and 93.
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So I was 12 at the time and she had been my primary guardian for my entire life.
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My biological father actually passed away the year I was born.
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My mother was still living at that time and I had to.
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You know, my family had to figure out where I was going to live after that, and so my grandmother had three sons and so one of my uncles I guess they had a powwow and one of my uncles.
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They decided that I was going to go live with him.
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Him and his wife were empty nesters already at the time.
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My other two uncles they still were raising children and so I ended up living there and I lived there until I graduated from high school and I knew my grandmother left me an inheritance and then my grandfather he also died in 93.
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And he also left me an inheritance.
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Now context my grandmother died in a car accident that I was in with her.
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Grandmother died in a car accident that I was in with her.
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So there was also a settlement excuse me, that came from that accident that I also received when I graduated from high school.
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So I think, all in total between my grandfather, my grandmother and the settlement I received about $67,000.
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Have you been listening to our podcast and wondering how am I really doing with my money?
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Am I doing the right things with my investments?
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Am I on track to reach my financial goals?
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What could I be doing better?
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If you answered yes to any of these questions, then it's time for you to reach out to Brandon to schedule your free yes, I said free 30-minute introduction conversation to see how his services could help make you the more confident moneymaker we know you could be.
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What are you waiting for?
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It's literally free and at the very least, you'll walk away feeling more empowered and confident about your financial future.
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Link is in our show notes.
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Go schedule your call today.
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It.
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Actually I didn't get it Like it wasn't like you turn 18 and you got a check.
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It was kind of like you're going to college, we're going to pay for your first semester of college from this money.
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And my uncle who I love very dearly at some point I guess he said, well, and here's the things that I bought you for college and now you've got to pay me back and I'm going to write myself a check out of your account.
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And then it was like I was getting canceled checks for like his mortgage and I was like, oh, we're gonna, we're gonna wrap this up real quick.
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So I got a job at a bank my first year of college and I opened my own account and I transferred all the money out and kind of stopped talking to my family at that point in time and realized like by my second semester and I'm writing like my next check to go to college and it was $8,000 per semester and I was like, man, at this rate I'm going to run out of money.
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So I'm going to transfer.
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And I was.
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I was going to a private university at the time and I transferred to a public like a community college so that I wouldn't run out of money, spending it on college.
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But I still ended up spending all the money anyway.
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Right, so I was.
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I got an apartment, I got a car.
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I started doing really ridiculous things with my money, like I would go visit my friends who were still living on campus and I would come with no bags, just me myself and my wallet, and in the morning I would get up and go to the mall and buy everything new, down to my underwear.
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Oh my gosh, like, really like ridiculous types of things.
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And then of course, I'm in college that people in their early 20s.
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Why don't you want the flexibility and freedom to go buy a new outfit every time you sleep on campus in your friend's dorm room?
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Absolutely, this makes complete sense.
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I mean everything.
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Everything new towel, washcloth, like everything brand new and um.
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And of course, because I was also 19, 20, you know, I'm like we're going to a party, we're going to buy bottles, I'm going to buy bottles, I'm going to buy new sneakers, I'm going to buy this, I'm going to buy that.
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So by the time, like my third year, so I ran out of money before I graduated college, anyway, but it was on things that I was enjoying, right.
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But by the time that happened, I was so annoyed with myself Like by now I'm 21 and I'm like I didn't know anything about investing at that time.
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I didn't know anything about money management, even though both of my grandparents were very, very good with money.
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When my grandfather died, he left $75,000 that we needed to split between me, my sister and my brother.
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My grandmother was as good managing money, you know, obviously, having a plan for bills and tucking all the dollars away, but they never taught us how to do that, right.
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So we had an example, but there was never a conversation.
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So we had an example, but there was never a conversation.
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So, knowing how much my grandfather left when he died, I was like, man, I need to rebuild this money and I don't know how to do it, but I'm sure there's a way.
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And so, 21, I'm working at Citibank, so I kept in the banks for a long time and you would think, working in banks, you would learn how to manage money.
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They don't actually teach employees how to manage money at the bank guys, which is so crazy, you would think it'd be like part of your onboarding or something right Like hey, be good with money.
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Here's how to do that Technically.
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It's not a function of your job.
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It's not.
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That's exactly right.
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They're like why would we teach you that Right, that's exactly right.
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They just wanted to make sure you're not like.
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They want to know that you're not a thief, right, but they don't teach you how to do well with your money.
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So, and I stayed.
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I worked at Fleet Bank so this is aging myself, because that's a long time ago, right Before they became Bank of America.
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Then I worked at Bank of America, then I worked at Citibank, and when I worked at Citibank, I was working in the call center.
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I'm 21 years old, I'm broke.
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I have $0, right, it's just what I'm making for my paycheck.
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And one of the guys who sat in front of me in the call center is reading this book and I'm like what are you reading?
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And he's like it's a book about how to manage money.
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And and by now the car that I bought got repossessed.
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I left my apartment, I went back home to live with my family and I knew I wanted to rebuild this money.
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So I didn't know that when a car gets repossessed, that you still have to pay the bill.
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To pay the bill, right?
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And my credit tanked.
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So I take this book from him and I photocopy all the pages on how to repair your credit.
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And the book was really about how to buy a home.
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But those were the pages that were important to me and I sat down for 18 months and repaired my credit myself, paid off the repossession.
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That took me almost three years, paid off the repossession, repaired my credit, took my credit from a 550 to a 750.
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It's amazing.
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Yeah, it was, it was.
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And then I was like you know what, as I started to learn how to manage money, I started reading everything.
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So that book was like and I wish I could remember the name of the book.
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But that book was like the catalyst.
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I still have those copies somewhere.
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I know they're here somewhere.
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I just don't know.
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You should put them in a frame, because they like started your journey right, commemorate them yeah.
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So I just started reading everything I could Money Magazine, entrepreneur Magazine.
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I started reading the money section in the newspaper.
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The internet is new and young, but there's still articles on there about money management and I just started reading everything I could and I was like you know what, if I did this for myself and I have this success story for myself with my credit there's got to be someone else who would benefit from this, who has never heard of this book, who's never going to have a chance to read it.
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I'm going to start talking about this and money management and I started learning, like about how to pull money together and invest.
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And I got a group of 20 of my friends together and I was like hey guys, we're going to, if we each put in $200 a month for one year, at the end of the year we'll be able to buy a Subway restaurant, because this is when everybody was buying Subway franchises.
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And I was like and if we do that in one year and then the second year we buy a second franchise, we're going to be these big entrepreneurs and these owners and we can grow from there.
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My friends looked at me like we're going to the club on Saturday.
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We don't know what you're talking about and we're not interested.
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And so I was so discouraged.
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I think I had like two friends who were interested and because everyone else said no, the two friends who said yes, I was like forget it, we're not doing it.
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I should have done it with them, with those two.
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Yeah, we know that now, but yes, yes, hindsight is always 20-20.
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So that's really how I, my financial journey, my money journey, started.
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It started from, like these bad decisions with money, realizing the bad decisions, making an effort to clean it up, wanting to include other people or help others, and then getting to this next point of discouragement where I then obviously got back into it.
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Maybe a few years later I started teaching.
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Forget about friends, I'm going to start teaching strangers.
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And there's a story behind that, too, how I ended up reviving teaching others, because at that point, when my friends all said no, I teaching others, cause at that point, when my friends all said no, I kind of just went on with my life right, like I'm managing money.
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Well, I'm budgeting.
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I created my first budget template for myself.
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It's the same budget template I still use today, you know, started managing my money Well, opened an IRA because by this time I'm a parent.
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I became a mom at 24, opened an IRA for my, for my daughter really for me, but for her.
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Got disability insurance because I understood it's more likely you'll get disabled than die Right.
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That's like Brandon's favorite phrase.
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Yeah, yeah.
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Well, the biggest thing is that a lot of people, when they think of actually like a disability, they think that they are permanently paralyzed.
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Yeah.
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And that is like the less than 1% of disabilities that occur.
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Most of them you will get better, but you're out of work for a certain period of time and actually normally it's like an illness that causes it.
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Yeah, I do want to just pause for a second and I do want you to continue down your path of all the things that you did.
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But the fact that you had the wake up call of like OK, my car got repossessed, I have to move out of my apartment, pop in bottles at the club and buying sneakers did not last very long.
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And now look at where I am.
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You could have stayed in that woe is me spot and just continued down that path, and instead you were like I need to get out of this and I'm.
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I am going to turn it around.
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And one thing that I really connected with was you saying that, like how you're both your grandparents were good with budgeting and it was more or less you seeing them doing it, but they didn't actually have a conversation with you.
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Because it's not just enough and especially when it comes to finances, it's not just enough to model good behavior.
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You really do have to explain it to your children so that they can understand it.
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Yeah.
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And not shy away from those money conversations.
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Yeah, and I think, from those money conversations.
00:19:16.628 --> 00:19:23.029
Yeah, and I think you know their generation was so far removed from mine they probably didn't even think about it, Right?
00:19:23.029 --> 00:19:27.809
Like I remember when, I got my first job, my parents being like save your money.
00:19:27.809 --> 00:19:31.340
But they never told me how much to save and what I was saving it for.
00:19:31.340 --> 00:19:34.634
But that was just the mantra I always heard Save your money.
00:19:34.817 --> 00:19:48.800
I mean also the concept of you know, having these open conversations about money is something that's new, at least new within our community and a lot of other people that aren't part of the wealthy, because the wealthy have always talked about money with their kids and stuff like that, but it's something completely new.
00:19:49.310 --> 00:19:55.867
And then even you know, in your scenario, like our scenario, like the Internet was not around the internet as it exists today.
00:19:55.867 --> 00:20:13.383
For you know, maybe some of our younger listeners didn't come around to like maybe 2008, 2009, so we were already in our 20s, working, yeah, so we couldn't just go to the internet and google something that wasn't still spending time at the library making photocopies like you said you, know, hey, let me photocopy this.
00:20:13.470 --> 00:20:15.275
Now it's hey, send it over.
00:20:15.275 --> 00:20:18.950
You're copying page by page and it's a whole thing.
00:20:19.069 --> 00:20:21.217
There was no like oh, go ahead and Google it or go to chat.
00:20:21.217 --> 00:20:21.818
Chat GBT.
00:20:23.474 --> 00:20:24.578
No, no, that wasn't a thing.
00:20:25.711 --> 00:20:29.582
So you open the IRA, you got disability insurance, you got life insurance.
00:20:29.582 --> 00:20:32.680
Is that all from the readings that you were doing?
00:20:32.680 --> 00:20:34.540
You were just self-teaching From the readings that you were doing.
00:20:34.560 --> 00:20:49.203
you were just self-teaching, self-teaching, yes, yes, from what I was reading, I was working a job that didn't offer any retirement benefits and I was like, well, according to these articles that I'm reading, even at my age, I can start a retirement.
00:20:49.203 --> 00:20:56.894
And I had inherited a retirement account from an aunt who passed away also, but she didn't really fund it with anything.
00:20:56.894 --> 00:21:08.693
So I was like, oh well, okay, she gave me whatever was left in her retirement and now I can start that same process for my daughter.
00:21:08.693 --> 00:21:14.872
So, yeah, it was literally just I self-taught on all of it, right, like I didn't.
00:21:14.872 --> 00:21:28.596
Later on, I ended up taking like a finance class at NYU and I was like, oh, this is really interesting, especially when I started getting more into real estate, because my first job out of college I worked for a real estate developer.
00:21:28.596 --> 00:21:33.317
I was her first employee and she was a millionaire and she was only 29.
00:21:33.317 --> 00:21:37.228
And right, but she was a millionaire and she was only 29.
00:21:37.268 --> 00:21:39.316
And how do I like Right, but she was honest.
00:21:39.316 --> 00:21:40.997
I mean, you know I get it.
00:21:40.997 --> 00:21:45.015
She was like I'm not going to teach you everything and I was like OK well.
00:21:45.095 --> 00:21:46.219
I'll go find out myself.
00:21:46.219 --> 00:21:50.859
So natural drive is something that I've always had.
00:21:50.859 --> 00:21:54.997
Like my car didn't get repossessed because I was negligent with my payments.
00:21:54.997 --> 00:21:59.365
It's because I had a boyfriend who I was like take the car payment and go to the bank.
00:21:59.365 --> 00:22:05.200
And he would not go to the bank and pay the car he was buying like comic books with my money.
00:22:05.200 --> 00:22:10.423
And one day I came outside and my car was gone and I was like, yeah, that's awful.
00:22:10.769 --> 00:22:12.074
That's a lesson in and of itself.
