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So having that conversation as early as possible with your parents and making sure that one they have a plan.
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And by making sure they have a plan I mean thoroughly talking through it and actually seeing and looking at not just when your parents are like, oh, everything's fine, everything's fine, no, no, no, no, no.
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Show me, pull up these accounts, show me what's in these accounts.
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Show me your life insurance, show me your disability insurance.
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Show me what you have in that 401k, that 403b, that IRA.
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Yes, because too many times I know it's hard to have those conversations with your parents because they also still view you as a child sometimes in some aspects.
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But, like Jess said, you have to actually have the numbers behind it.
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Hey, babe, what are we talking about today?
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Well, today is a special episode because Brandon and I are at FinCon 2024.
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We are recording this episode live from the quote unquote FinCon studios.
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Thank you to LLCattorneycom for this setup.
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So we're super excited and pumped, not only for this episode because it's going to be great, but also just because we're here and we're in community with so many of the other content creators that we've been following, people that we've had on the podcast, and so we are hyped up but also exhausted at the same time, because it's already been.
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We're only on day two and we've already learned so much.
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We've had some great keynotes already, great connections with folks, and so we're just really excited to be here and happy to be recording live.
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We wanted this to be an experience.
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Yes, yes, yes.
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So, going back to hey, babe, what are we talking about today?
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Today, we are talking about the sandwich generation.
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Yes, yes, let's go ahead and get the definition so people understand exactly what the sandwich generation is.
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Okay, and this is a noun.
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It is officially a real word.
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It is a noun.
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This is a noun.
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It is officially a real word, it is a noun.
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And the sandwich generation is the millennials and Gen X, who take care of aging parents and their own kids at the same time.
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They're, quote unquote, sandwiched between caring for two generations, so this can be stressful, as they balance caregiving with their own lives and work.
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Sound familiar.
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I would say thankfully we're not necessarily in that situation, but we definitely have extreme.
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We definitely have friends, though, that are 100% in this exact situation.
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Yeah, they're taking care of their school age children and also, you know, fully financially supporting their parents, moving their parents into their homes.
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I mean, that is literally what this episode is all about.
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Yeah, I mean.
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Think about all the parents out there, think about how much you spend on taking care of your children.
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So much.
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Now add the added stress of having to also financially support, maybe completely or partially, your parents for multiple reasons.
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You know it could be due to illness, it could be to, you know, not proper planning on your parents' part.
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But I just am thankful that you know that's not our situation and I can definitely sympathize for those who just feel stuck.
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Yeah.
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Because life itself costs so much money just for you and your own family, not having to deal with taking on the burdens of other people that you probably never thought that you'd have to take care of.
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Because, let's be honest, most people don't think about.
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Hey, once I get to one point in my life, I'm going to have to financially take care of my parents.
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Well, and it's not only the financial aspect that is a huge component, but there's also the hey.
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I need to now take off of work to take my aging parent to the doctor, or you know if, if maybe there's some early onset dementia or alzheimer's and they cannot live alone anymore and now you're moving them into your home, or you're having to purchase a new place to live to actually accommodate an extra person, or or your parents, if it's a two you know two person situation, bringing them into your home.
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So now you're having to accommodate in those larger ways.
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I mean, that's a lot yeah, because you know getting into the aspects of, like, you know the financial pressures and challenges that come with that is one like you want to do proper planning for your own life, your you and your spouse, whoever may be your kids, and focus on that.
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So you know saving enough money for your kids to go to college or, if you're already in college, you know paying for college, saving for retirement, just in general, doing the financial plan that we've talked about that you'd be doing for your own family.
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Now, the hard part is is that, when it comes to the budgeting aspect, you're budgeting for those things, but now you have another line item that you have to budget for, because, same things that you're doing for your own family, now you should take on the expenses of your parents, and it's kind of like what do I do?
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You know in what order should I do this?
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Can I do this?
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Or you know, are there, is there anything out there that can help me do this?
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right and is there I mean the reality is, is that this is a.
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This is a new thing, because I'm not saying that previous generations haven't had to take care of um the older generation, while taking care of some aspects of their current family and their kids.
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But I would say, with the way the economy is, the, the way that you know inflation as far as how much things cost, because I hesitate to use the word inflation because I think partial is inflation, the other part is actually you know corporate greed.
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And then also incomes not keeping up with you know the cost of things and it's just, it's a lot in this day and age as compared to, maybe, if people were doing this 20, 30 years ago.
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A hundred percent.
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I mean, we've talked about on every episode.
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Life is so expensive and so when you're adding extra bodies to take care of in any capacity, it costs money and it can it feel like it can feel like it adds up fast, you know.
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And the first thing I would say is that, like you do need to, well, first you need to have the conversation.
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Let's start, let's take a step back.
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What can you do to possibly help prevent this?
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Okay you want to start there?
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Sure okay, so one of the things that I've always said on this podcast could I have prevented my parents not being ready to retire?
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Is that what we're talking about?
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No, no, no, no.
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What I'm saying is that your parents may not have.
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Let's just stick with and make it easy for the retirement aspect.
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Maybe they haven't done proper planning, but the idea of having the conversation as soon as possible with them to see what their finances are.
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So, for example, if your parents are about five years from retiring and they have not done the proper planning throughout the course of their life in order to properly retire, knowing five years beforehand is not going to completely erase all the other bad decisions that were made or completely fix the problem, but it could help in some aspects as compared to waiting Five years, is better than six months.
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Yeah, exactly, Because it's also also the thing is too, is that obviously some?
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aspects as compared to five years is better than hey, in six months, yeah, yeah, exactly, because it's also also the thing is too is that obviously in those?
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I'm gonna say obviously, because there's a plethora of things that can cause these issues to happen.
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But let's just say, hypothetically, your parents just never had a plan.
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They never had a plan.
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So you were their plan, yeah, so having a conversation, at least laying out a plan.
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And also, the thing is, too, is that have you ever had a problem where you didn't really dissect the problem itself and you thought it was this tremendously huge problem?
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But when you actually stopped and did the work and found out the details of the problem, the problem wasn't quite as big as you thought it was being, it was manageable.
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So having that conversation as early as possible with your parents and making sure that one they have a plan and by making sure they have a plan I mean thoroughly talking through it now.
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I know this might be actually seeing and looking at not just when your parents are like oh, everything's fine, everything's fine, no, no, no, no, no, show me yes pull up these accounts.
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Show me what's in these accounts.
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Show me your life insurance.
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Show me your disability insurance.
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Show me what's in these accounts.
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Show me your life insurance.
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Show me your disability insurance.
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Show me what you have in that 401k, that 403b, that IRA.
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Yes, because too many times I know it's hard to have those conversations with your parents because they also still view you as a child sometimes in some aspects.
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But, like Jess said, you have to actually have the numbers behind it.
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Them simply saying, yeah, we're fine.
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What does that mean?
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Because even if they don't want to necessarily have that conversation with you and give you some pushback, at the end of the day you're going to need to know this information because the day that they do pass away, you are going to have to handle their estates.
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You're going to have to know the information one way or another.
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And this is one way to get the information up front when it's easy, when they're healthy.
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When everybody's sound of mind, of sound mind, yeah, of sound mind.
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But then also you can help them navigate.
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If you see any areas where there could be some potential problems.
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And if that approach doesn't work I think I've said it on here a million times I will draw a line in the sand and say that if you do not want to have this conversation to make sure that you are all set when it comes to retirement, do not ask me for a dime if the issue arises down the line, Because we could have mitigated maybe some of these risks by having this conversation early on, and I don't want you to burden me with your lack of preparation, your lack of willingness to be open and have a conversation about it.
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And now I have to deal with the issue when I'm trying to handle everything in regards to my life and my family.
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Right.
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Have you been listening to our podcast and wondering how am I really doing with my money?
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Am I doing the right things with my investments?
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Am I on track to reach my financial goals?
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What could I be doing better?
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If you answered yes to any of these questions, then it's time for you to reach out to Brandon to schedule your free yes, I said free 30-minute introduction conversation to see how his services could help make you the more confident moneymaker we know you could be.
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What are you waiting for?
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It's literally free and at the very least, you'll walk away feeling more empowered and confident about your financial future.
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Link is in our show notes.
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Go schedule your call today.
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Brandon is very passionate about that.
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I know he said it a few times on the podcast.
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We talk about it all the time and when he talks about that line in the sand, he has drawn it for all of our family members.
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Yes, I have said this too, like thankfully, most of our family listens to you know what I try to tell them and I help them out, you know as far as managing their money and everything like that, so it's not really a huge issue, but I definitely said I I was like you know what I do for a living let's go ahead and have these conversations.
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If you don't and there's issues on the line do not come to me.
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Then yeah, because I'm proactively coming to you now with time right because time is the biggest factor in all of this yep, and we have it on our side at this point in time.
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And if you don't want to, you know, talk to me don't come to me later don't don't come knocking on this door you, because I know that's such a hard thing to do and a hard thing to say.
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You know, because it's your parents, and is it?
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would it actually be the reality of like?
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well, I told you five years ago not to come to me, so well, think about it too, because then this could become like a cascading effect where, like, you are doing proper planning in your life and your parents derailed your planning.
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So now, like once you get to their age, you didn't have the plan in place, you don't have the money in place that you thought you would have, because they sucked it out right and now your kids are stuck yeah, you know what this reminds me.
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I was like seeing this guy um obviously years ago and and I.
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I used to like drive my car until the gas light was like on, on, you know, and he was always like you need to just go and get gas, and I don't know why it's.
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I don't do it anymore I have not done it since this time, um, but he always was like do not call me if you run out of gas.
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And I, straight up, ran out of gas once.
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It was the first and only time in my life.
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Yes, it totally does.
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First and only time in my life that I've run out of gas.
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And of course I called him and he's like I don't know what you're calling me for.
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And I mean, you know, everything's totally fine.
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He's got a beautiful wife, beautiful child, now all the things, like everything ended on on fine terms and we even and joked about it.
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But he was like I told you from the very beginning do not call me if you run out of gas, because I'm telling you to fill up your gas tank.
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So anyway, that's what that reminded me of.
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I mean it's but it's true, because we talk about the things that we are, you know, talking to our kids about when it comes to finances and setting them up for a better place when they get older than you know where we're at.
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The idea is to pass the knowledge along that we have acquired and build upon that.
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Know better, do better.
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But.
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But if you don't have the money to do these things, you know, then we would just pass the burden down to them as far as having to take care of us, because we had to take care of our parents.
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Well, you know, it's even crazier going back to like really, and you might need to ease your way into saying, hey, mom and dad, we need to have this conversation Right Like you can't just like bombard them and pull up your accounts.
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I mean, that's not going to work.
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So you need to ease in.
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You need to say, you know, hey, these are the things we're thinking of, these are top of mind.
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We want to make sure you're OK, come at it from a place of love and concern and and you know wanting them to be in a good place.
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As you're saying, hey, we need to look at your savings, we need to look at your debt.
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Do you have long term care in place?
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What does it look like?
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Et cetera.
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You want long-term care in place, what does it look like?
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Etc.
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You want those details and you can't just have your parents keep telling you oh, we're fine, we're fine, don't worry.
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Don't worry because, like brandon said, it is going to fall to us at the end of the day.
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But we have friends who have parents living with them and they don't know anything about their financial situation yeah they are, they are living and that that's it.
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There's no knowledge of their debt, their credit cards, their credit score, their this, their that.
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That is not okay.
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Yeah, for me.
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I don't judge anybody about the situation because that's their situation, but I can assure you that if one of our parents had to live with us in our house, I'm going to know everything about your finances before you move in Right.
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That's just the rule, either it happens or you don't move in.
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You need to be an open book at that point.
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Because, I mean, you got to think about it too and unfortunately, in those scenarios, that dynamic between being the parent and the child is one thing, but then if you're asking me to fund something for you, Now I'm the parent.
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Yes, the dynamic has to change and they can't view you through that same lens.
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Through that same lens, because you can't say like, oh, you don't need to worry about this, but I'm paying all your bills.
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That's not how that works, right?
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That's like just when your mama is like oh, you can't, I can't check those text messages.
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Who's paying that phone bill?
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Exactly, it's the same thing, I mean the the table can turn yeah in that.
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In that sense I'll say I was gonna say it's so like, obviously the best route is to try to be preemptive, to prevent from getting to this point.
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But if you are currently in this point, then there are some things that you can do to maybe help mitigate that situation.
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Okay, let's talk about those, because we want to give people solutions.
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We don't want to induce stress and anxiety of people being like, oh, my mom's going to move in with me.
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Well, I'm going to go ahead and start with one of the things that we actually do, but we're not in this current situation, and that's having flexibility in your career, your work schedule, so working remote, for example, those individuals that maybe have to actually care for an ill parent being able to work remote can allow you that flexibility.
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But there's plenty of professions that cannot work remote right Now.
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Now let's say you're a nurse and you're currently bedside.
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That's one thing but there's also nurses who work from home and they work with pharmacists and you know prescription drug companies etc.
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Etc.
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So it might be something to look into yes and be willing to transition to, in the event that you did have an aging parent that needed to be at home with you because the thing is too, is like.
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I don't ever want to just say like it's not the simple thing to just change careers right, yeah, you made it sound really easy no, I do apologize if I made it sound easy, but trying to find that flexibility, like you said, if you are in a career that allows it, because things have 100 obviously, obviously changed since the pandemic, but then also the reality is that if you are going to take on this responsibility, you might have to do a pivot career wise also.
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Yeah, I mean it's not easy and I'm not saying that's the first thing you should go to, but it could provide some flexibility.
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No, it's always something to look into.
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I mean something to be prepared for.
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Hopefully, again, this doesn't happen and it doesn't need to be the scenario, but, in the event, thinking about some flexible options.
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Or maybe, you know, in the case of maybe one spouse is working somewhere quote unquote in the field, right, like in a hospital or in an office, but then the other spouse has more flexibility to work from home.
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Yeah, so the I mean I think that kind of also really boils down to once again diving deep into your own budget and seeing what flexibility you have there from a money management standpoint.
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You know, obviously two one comes is better than you know one most of the time.
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But in that given scenario, instead of having to maybe outsource the care for your parents and pay for it, it might make sense to either, you know, cut back on work, maybe not work if it works for the number standpoint.
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It's just being open to the options and exploring what's, you know, possible.
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Right.
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It's hard.
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Yeah, I mean, I don't think any of this is easy Because at the same time, it's the sandwich generation.
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So you're doing all of this while still, you know, maybe packing school lunches or setting your kid up in their dorm for college, and I mean again, you're still living your life as it is.
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And then you're adding this extra component of taking care of aging parents.
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Yeah, and the next one is like exploring different options that may be available to you or your current employer is.
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When it comes to like different types of leave that may be available to you, Main one we're thinking about is like FMLA, which is Family and Medical stands for Family and Medical Leave Act.
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Right.
00:18:18.798 --> 00:18:38.824
Well, and that, I feel like, would be in a more dire situation, because if you're filing for FMLA, really the protection is around, you still get to keep your job, but in most cases you are not getting paid during that time and I think most of the time is capped at 12 weeks, similar to when you're taking your maternity benefits.
00:18:38.824 --> 00:18:48.324
So this is not the ideal route to take, but in the event that there would be something emergent, it is an option that you can explore and you can talk to your HR department about it.
00:18:48.630 --> 00:18:58.605
And depending on where you work and how progressive the workplace benefits package is where you work, you might have other options of flexibility that you can utilize.
00:18:58.605 --> 00:19:01.558
But the key thing here we're saying is look to find out.
00:19:01.558 --> 00:19:04.617
Don't assume that like, oh, I don't have this option.
00:19:04.617 --> 00:19:05.835
No, explore it.
00:19:05.835 --> 00:19:12.361
Like you said, talk to the HR department, Explain to them what your situation is and they may be able to help you navigate that.
00:19:12.549 --> 00:19:19.243
Yeah, I know through our employee assistance program there is an aging parent component.
00:19:19.243 --> 00:19:20.711
I've never looked into it Again.
00:19:20.711 --> 00:19:36.228
We're fortunate enough that that is not our scenario right now, but I have seen the paperwork that there is something to help with elder care, which you know even if you just need becoming a caregiver to your parent can be mentally very taxing.
00:19:36.228 --> 00:19:41.721
Or being a caregiver to anybody Right, even if it's your spouse or whatever that situation may be.
00:19:41.721 --> 00:19:51.827
So, again, utilizing your therapy that you have available to you, there's other networks of people a lot of times through EAP that you have access to.
00:19:51.847 --> 00:20:01.781
Sometimes you just need an outlet and a place to talk things through, to get ideas, to talk to other people who are going through the same thing, to help shed clarity and perspective on the situation.
00:20:02.589 --> 00:20:04.997
And you'd be surprised at.
00:20:04.997 --> 00:20:23.232
You know, in this day and age, with you know all the negative things that come with social media and online and everything like that, there can be some real positive things as far as finding communities online of people that are, you know, in the same situation as you and maybe they have found ways to successfully navigate it and you know being in some of these online.
00:20:23.232 --> 00:20:29.784
You know groups can help you find solutions that you otherwise, exactly, absolutely, yeah.
00:20:29.824 --> 00:20:37.084
So utilize those resources for sure, because I think in this situation, flexibility and support are key.
00:20:37.329 --> 00:20:41.750
Yeah, and the other thing is as far as, like you know, finding other resources that are available.
00:20:41.750 --> 00:20:45.612
It's like utilizing different types of financial and caregiving assistance programs.
00:20:45.612 --> 00:20:47.296
I mean, there's all.
00:20:47.296 --> 00:20:49.481
Really what it is is also understanding.
00:20:49.481 --> 00:21:05.201
So you're going to have to obviously understand what your parents are eligible for and what's available to them, and it really is going to be doing some research and also reaching out to professionals that are, you know, within that specific field.
00:21:05.500 --> 00:21:05.942
There we go.
00:21:05.942 --> 00:21:14.220
Loss of words for me, but also, like you know, understanding, like the different aspects for your parents as far as, like their Medicaid, how their Social Security benefits work.
00:21:14.220 --> 00:21:22.319
Also, even looking in your area, are there any local nonprofits that help out with these different issues that people are encountering?
00:21:22.641 --> 00:21:22.881
Right.
00:21:24.869 --> 00:21:25.592
But then also, too, it's like you.
00:21:25.592 --> 00:21:29.502
You know, if you're taking care of your parent, do they possibly qualify as a dependent from a tax standpoint?
00:21:29.502 --> 00:21:36.103
So therefore, you are having you know, lower your, lowering your um taxable income there we go.
00:21:36.103 --> 00:21:37.173
Oh my gosh, what is?
00:21:37.192 --> 00:21:38.096
happening to you?
00:21:38.096 --> 00:21:39.101
He's y'all.
00:21:39.101 --> 00:21:43.114
Brandon hasn't been to a conference in a long time I forgot how tiring they can be he's like he.
00:21:43.114 --> 00:21:46.182
I can see his like social battery draining.
00:21:46.182 --> 00:21:47.815
We're going to have to get him a nap soon.
00:21:48.115 --> 00:21:50.394
Well, it's because I I I have.
00:21:50.394 --> 00:21:53.837
I would say I'm a little bit more introvert than I am extrovert.
00:21:54.058 --> 00:21:55.221
Yeah, I would agree with that.
00:21:55.221 --> 00:22:01.881
So you do well after people goes up and talks to people Exactly.
00:22:01.921 --> 00:22:03.022
So I'm running low.
00:22:03.022 --> 00:22:03.522
Is that an?
00:22:03.624 --> 00:22:08.595
ambervert, I don't know there's so many verts now, but back to the topic at hand.
00:22:08.595 --> 00:22:09.136
Okay, yes.
00:22:09.317 --> 00:22:17.053
Let's stay focused, Looking at the different programs that could be available to you to help, you know, relieve some of that tax burden, understand, like I said, the different tax credits and deductions.
00:22:17.053 --> 00:22:29.573
That scenario it's going to be, you know, could be state specific for some things, but then it's reaching out to a tech professional, you know, finding a CPA that is well-versed in this knowledge to help you out with that.
00:22:29.954 --> 00:22:30.636
Yeah, absolutely.
00:22:30.636 --> 00:22:34.154
Again, I mean this is a reoccurring theme in all of our episodes.
00:22:34.154 --> 00:22:37.762
Right, seek professional help, seek professional help.
