7 Marriage Tips, in 7 Minutes for our 7 Year Anniversary | Bonus Episode

Happy anniversary, babe. Seven years, 10 together, and we are dropping a super special seven-minute episode to talk about the seven things we've learned in the last seven years that help our marriage be what it is. So let's kick it off, because we know we're chatty. Number one, ladies, this one is for you. Give your man a week to prep if you ask him to do something.

Yes.

Wait, I'm not done. So we've all seen the viral videos where a woman asks a man to empty the dishwasher, take out the trash. He doesn't turn around in 2.5 seconds to get it done. We are flipping out, and I was like that in the first year of our marriage and I really quickly realized that if I give Brandon a heads-up, like if it's a Monday and I'm like, hey, on Saturday I'd like to deep clean the house and the baseboards, can you help me with that? He'd be like, yeah, that's great, and then he would be ready. I would do like a little midweek reminder and we would be good to go. So if you want something done in 2.5 seconds, do it yourself, because otherwise you know you're going to be angry. If you do need help, ask him, but give a buffer a couple of days.

Yeah, don't ask me at like 8 pm. Hey, let's clean the house right now.

Yeah, and you know that's how we work. We're like ooh got to do this, Ooh got to do that, and it doesn't work for them because they are men. So give them a buffer, Give them a couple of days, but the mentally sit on it. It's a whole thing. What's number two?

Number two is for the fellows. Do you want my head or do you want my heart? Often, when a female is, you know, coming to you with a problem, we tend to be fixers and that's often not what they want.

They don't want a solution. We don't want you to fix nothing.

They just want to vent. So you know, kind of starting up the conversation before she starts speaking, saying do you want me to just listen or are you actually looking for my advice?

This solves so many issues. If you are not doing this in some form or fashion, you need to start. It is a game changer because if I'm coming to Brandon and I just need somebody to talk, to talk something out with and I'm not looking for him to respond by fixing, by helping, by creating something you know to plan something to make it better, and he knows I just need to get this out of my system. It's great. Once he starts trying to fix stuff, I'm like that's not what I'm here for. Stop talking.

I know it's hard for us guys because we tend to not just complain per se. We really want to solve a problem. So you do have to, kind of, you know, preface the conversation with that first.

We'd rather you take out the trash and empty the dishwasher and fold the laundry. There we go. Okay, let's keep going. Number three is communication, communication, communication. One of my favorite sayings in our relationship is that it is not your job to worry about how I'm going to react or how I'm going to feel. Your job is to tell me the truth. So, even if it's ugly, even if it's something that you know is going to irk me in some way or is not going to be favorable, it's your job to tell me the truth. Let me handle how I respond, let me handle how I feel about it. So much of what goes into a marriage is like the anticipation of what is that person going to say. Do I need to say this? Do I need to bite my tongue? Is it worth the conversation? And if it's something big, say it out loud, be truthful and then work through it together.

Yeah, we are. Communication is the basis of any great relationship, and if you don't have good communication, you're not working on improving it. The reality is that the relationship is probably not going to work out.

Exactly so. Communicate early, communicate often, and it's your job to tell the truth, not to worry about how the other person in the relationship is going to feel or how they're going to react. That is on them. You cannot control that. What's next?

Number four I have to learn this one of my own All feelings are valid.

Say it one more time All feelings are valid.

Everyone is entitled to their own feelings. Now, you may not agree with their feelings or why they're feeling that way, but you have to allow that person to feel that way. You can't tell someone not to feel a certain way.

Yeah, and I tend to start sentences with I know this is going to sound crazy, but. Or I know that you think this is weird, but and that's okay, because we are different people, we are different genders. Like, we do not process information the same, and what's important to me is not always going to be important to Brandon, but that doesn't mean that what I'm feeling is not valid. So all feelings are valid. Even if your girl's being crazy, even if your guy's being crazy, you're in this partnership together. Remember why you chose each other and validate each other.

That's important. I can definitely say that I've never started a sentence with.

I know this is crazy, but and I've started lots of sentences like that Okay, number five keep dating. I think this one is so important, especially if you have children in your relationship, because the day to day gets so mundane and so repetitive that it is easy to just go through the movements you know, breakfast, lunch, dinner, bedtime, whatever and another day is passed, and then another week has passed and you look up and you haven't had anyone on one time together for three months and you're like, wow, I don't think we've sat across from each other in peace and quiet, with nice clothes on, without kids, in the room where we didn't have to prep the meal, and that is crucial. That's something we're still working on, because the days and the weeks just go by. So be intentional and plan fun date nights.

Fellows plan fun date nights.

Please.

They want you trust me. Your woman in your life wants you to take control and make the plans.

We don't want to make another plan. Do you know how many plans I'm currently executing, like on today? I don't want to plan. Tell me where we're going. You know you can't ever go wrong with Mexican and a Margarita. Take me there. Tell me what time. Tell me that the kids are going to be taken care of and I am a happy camper. What's next?

Number six Number six laugh as much as possible, like there's so many stressful things in life that sometimes you just have to laugh even at just the stressful things. It could be not the best situation, but sometimes you just have to laugh at it. You know there's things that happen with the kids where it creates a mess and I just step back and laugh because like there's nothing else I could do. I mean either laugh or cry sometimes.

Yeah, and I would say to Brandon and I are super sarcastic with each other and we, you know, we I wouldn't say we have arguments, but we definitely have different opinions on different topics, a lot of things, and that's okay, right, but we laugh through it. We'll try to learn more about each other in that way and laughter is the best medicine. So laugh, be goofy, be silly, slap each other's booties Like it's all so important, because laughter will keep the marriage light and happy and will remind you why you married that person in the first place. Yeah, all right, I think we're actually going to make this happen in under seven minutes. What's the last one, babe?

Last one is be a team. You have to be a united front with your spouse In all aspects if you have children in regards to talking to your kids, being a united front when it comes to dealing with your in-laws. You know my mom does not take precedent over my wife. My wife, jess, is my number one now.

Thanks. I think too, especially with kids, if they see that you guys are not on the same page, things can easily fall apart. Our kids. I don't know why they even still bother, because we have never, in front of them, disagreed on am I allowed to watch TV? Can I have a lollipop? Can we have a popsicle after dinner? Like if I say no and they look at dad and they ask because sometimes they try, the answer is still going to be no and our instant response is going to be I just heard you ask your mom or I just heard you ask your dad. The answer is what they said. So be a united front. At the end of the day, your kids at some point will leave the nest and then you're stuck together in a brand new relationship as empty nesters, and so you have to find that unity every single day.

And the thing is, too, is that your relationship with your spouse actually should take precedent over the relationship with your children, because if you have a good relationship with your spouse, it is naturally going to trickle down to a good relationship with your kids. However, if you neglect your spouse to focus on the relationship with your kids, then the relationship between your spouse is going to it's gonna kick down and that's going to filter down to the kids as well in a negative way.

Yep, all right, we did it babe. Seven minutes, seven years, seven pieces of advice. We hope these are helpful. Reach out with any questions and cheers to seven years.

Yes, many more.

Many more, Don't forget. Benjamin Franklin said an investment in knowledge pays the best interest. You just got paid, Until next time.