Transcript
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In today's episode, we are introducing our new framework for couples to have better conversations around money.
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We are calling it DREAM because we want you to DREAM BIG together.
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Stay tuned as we break down this acronym D-R-E-A-M, so that you and your partner can have the best conversations around money possible.
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Hey, babe what are we talking about today?
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Today we are talking about the framework that we created for couples to have better conversations around money, and I'm so excited because I realized that not everybody talks about money the way we do, and it's still something that people are really uncomfortable with, intimidated by.
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There's a lot of shame, a lot of guilt.
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We talk about that quite a bit on the podcast, and I think one of our superpowers is that we talk about money all the time, and that's not to say that all of our conversations are rainbows and butterflies, but it is something that we are very comfortable talking about.
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And the one thing that I think we've done really well over the years is we've dreamed big together, and that is what keeps us focused on our goals, focused on our mission, focused on what's important to us, and helps us realign during those times when you know maybe we want to spend on some things that we shouldn't be spending on, or you know we need to kind of recenter refocus.
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And so we came up with a framework for other people to have better conversations around money that aren't focused really at all on the numbers, because we know that the numbers, those are black and white.
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It is what it is.
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It's cash flow, it's money in, money out, but where we think people really get stuck is that emotional part of money.
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And money is emotional.
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We all have an attachment to it, whether it's good, bad, healthy, unhealthy, and it comes from somewhere.
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So today we're going to be digging in and diving into our new framework.
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And, as you know, most of us know that the basis for a great relationship whether you know, any type of relationship that you have in your life is based upon having good communication and, unfortunately, a lot of people don't have good communication, and it's something that you really need to work on in all aspects of your life if you want to have better relationships.
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So we are really excited about putting together this framework so that you and your partner can work on your communication so that you can ultimately have a better relationship and also live the life that you want to live.
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Absolutely.
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And just for anybody who might be new, you know, if you've been here a while, you know this.
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But if you're a new listener, welcome.
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Thanks for being here.
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But Brandon and I are both products of divorce.
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This framework is not coming out of a place of, oh, we're doing everything perfect, our marriage is perfect, our parents' marriages were perfect.
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You know we're drowning in money.
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I mean, that is not the case.
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Right when we first got together, I had six figures in student loan debt.
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My parents had just gone through a I don't know if I want to call it a messy divorce.
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I mean, I think all divorces have some level of mess to them.
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Brandon's mom and dad got divorced when he was younger, so that's a totally different scenario when you are going through divorce as a child versus as an adult, and so we lived and learned in our own ways.
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And then, when we merged our lives, you know it's something that we really wanted to avoid.
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We wanted to avoid our parents marriages, and that is why we started talking about money very, very early on, and so we want to help people have those same conversations in a way that's not intimidating, it's not scary, and you're really learning and growing together, not only from each other, but also as individuals, and I think what's really important here is that you should be having these conversations as early into your relationship as possible.
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So, even if you're in a new relationship, let's say you're a few months in and you know hey, this is going somewhere, this is meaningful, this is a great time to start initiating this dream framework D-R-E-A-M.
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However, if you're a decade plus in, like we are, this is something that you can still implement.
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Plus in like we are, this is something that you can still implement.
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And even you know being where we are, with Brandon being a financial advisor, us having a financial literacy podcast, we still have to continuously have these conversations because our lives are constantly changing and evolving and this is not a one and done.
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So, whether you're brand new in your relationship or you're well established, we believe that this is a framework that you can use to help ground you in your values, your goals and your vision for a beautiful life together.
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Did I miss anything?
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Nope, I think you covered it all.
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Okay.
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So unfortunately, we know that money is still cited as one of the main reasons for divorce, infidelity being number one and and money being, you know, in the top three, and so we know that people are not having money conversations early enough often enough, and that leads to problems, right?
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Had I not told you that I had $100,000 in student loan debt coming into our relationship and then we got married and then I was like, oh yeah, by the way, I mean hello, that's a huge problem.
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We shouldn't be doing that, yeah.
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I a hundred percent agree that we shouldn't be doing that and unfortunately that is kind of the reality that too many people actually operate and they start to have these conversations too late into their relationships.
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Right, and so, instead of waiting until it's too late, springing this kind of information on your partner, let's?
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We are here to encourage you to have those conversations early and often, so that you don't end up being a statistic.
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Right?
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These conversations, you can have them.
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This is an avoidable conversation or problem, right?
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We can help avoid divorce by being honest, by having open communication, and so one of the things that we wanted to ground you in in this framework is dreaming big, and so we ended up calling the framework dream D, r, e, a, m, and each letter, of course, means something.
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We're going to dive into these components.
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This is something you're going to be hearing us talk about throughout this year.
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So, welcome to 2025.
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We are dreaming big.
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We are going to scratch the surface of the framework.
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Give you some insights into how you can start dreaming early in 2025 with your partner to have these better money conversations.
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Did I miss anything?
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Okay, all right.
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So the first part of dream is well, first let me say you make the rules.
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This is a framework, right?
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This is to help guide you in the conversations.
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You and your partner still get to decide what the rules are, what makes sense for you and your relationship and guess what?
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You can change the rules today, tomorrow, a year from now.
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Right, you are in charge.
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We are just simply trying to give you guidance so that you can have better conversations without the intimidation and the shame and the guilt.
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The D, I think, is really, really important in dream.
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So D stands for dive, and we know that money is emotional and that emotion stems from somewhere, and different studies have shown that you basically have formed your opinion about money by the age of seven, and so really, whatever you feel about money now, whether you have an abundant mindset or a mindset of scarcity, that probably came from your childhood or your childhood through your adolescence.
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And so in D, we want you to dive deep into your past and really understand why do you feel about money today based on what happened in your past?
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I would say this is one of the biggest things that people kind of gloss over when it comes to the overall financial planning process, because the math part of financial planning is the easiest.
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It really is.
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Math, as I always say, is the same in every language Two plus two equals four all the time.
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All right, Now, everyone has an emotional attachment to their money and you want to find out where that emotion comes from, Whether that's diving into.
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Did you have money conversations in your family growing up?
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Did you not have money conversations?
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How you interacted with money at a very young age has, in one way or another, had an effect on how you interact with money as an adult.
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Absolutely.
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So this is the time where we want you to really dive in and understand.
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Where did my mindset about money come from?
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So this is a good time to understand.
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How is money handled during the holidays, during gift giving, celebrating, dining out, during travel?
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Did you travel?
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Did your parents talk about not having money to travel?
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If you asked for something in a store, was the response we can't afford that.
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We're not buying that right now.
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Don't ask me for that.
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Whatever it might be, there's no right or wrong here.
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We just want you to really dive deep into understanding where your mindset comes from.
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Were there any money rules in your household growing up?
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What did you hear the adults in your life say about money?
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Was money calm in your home or was it chaotic?
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I know we've had so many guests on our show that have talked about that scarcity mindset.
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You know, coming from nothing and then building what they have now and so wanting to live a life of abundance because they lived in scarcity, and so wanting to live a life of abundance because they lived in scarcity.
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Even if you have a scarcity mindset, right, there's kind of two different ways you can go about that.
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Right, it's hey, I grew up with so little.
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Now I have what I need, but I'm going to hoard it.
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Now I have a really hard time spending money.
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I'm really frugal.
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I cut coupons.
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I go to six different grocery stores to find the best deal on strawberries.
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That is a mindset.
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You could also have a scarcity mindset where you're a spender.
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Hey, you get that paycheck, boom, it's out the door because you don't know when you're going to have money again and you want to make the most of it right now.
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And so even as simple as something like scarcity mindset and I don't mean to call it simple because it's not, but you can take that in two different directions and so really understanding what that mindset is and where it comes from, that is going to ground you for the rest of the letters in our framework.
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And I would say this is not just simply thinking about negative things that have happened in your upbringing when it comes to money, because, also, what are the good things that you know, you learned at a young age that you've now brought into adulthood?
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You know, for me, one of the things I've talked about numerous times in the past is that at a young age, my mom did a good job of teaching us how to.
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You know, she gave us, like you know, some money during Christmas and we then we had allocated to what we want to buy.
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So, whether you know, I want to buy one shirt that's $50, or I want to buy two shirts that's $25, that definitely is translated into how I interact as an adult, as being very good at determining what to want and what to need, so it's not just simply a negative idea of what interactions with money.
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You can definitely lean into the good things as well.
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Absolutely.
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Have you been listening to our podcast and wondering how am I really doing with my money?
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Have you been listening to our podcast and wondering how am I really doing with my money?
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Am I doing the right things with my investments?
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Am I on track to reach my financial goals?
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What could I be doing better?
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If you answered yes to any of these questions, then it's time for you to reach out to Brandon to schedule your free yes, I said free 30-minute introduction conversation to see how his services could help make you the more confident moneymaker we know you could be.
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What are you waiting for?
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It's literally free and at the very least, you'll walk away feeling more empowered and confident about your financial future.
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Link is in our show notes Go, schedule your call today.
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And next, that takes us into reflect.
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So the R stands for reflect.
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We want you to take what you just learned about yourself while diving deep into where your money mindset comes from, your thoughts and feelings and emotions around money, where those came from, where those started, how those developed, and we want you to reflect on how is that currently showing up in your life.
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I will tell you we are probably again in the rarity of the fact that we talk about money not only together all the time, but also with our friends.
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We very much have a close circle where you know we're like, hey, what's your mortgage, what's your APR, what credit cards did you open?
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Who's getting the most bonus miles?
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You know who's going to pick up the tab for dinner because they want to 5x their miles, you know for dining out or you know whatever it is mortgage rates, etc.
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Bonuses that have been gotten at work.
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I mean, we talk about money all the time, but we understand that that is rare, rare.
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But we want to understand more about how it shows up in your relationship.
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Because the reality is is, even though we're talking about money all the time with our circle, people have very different uses for money, feelings around money and, especially when you're in a relationship, people spend money differently.
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And so this is your time to reflect on how that money mindset is showing up for you today.
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And the reality is is most people didn't come from the same money background, right?
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And then that means when you're coming together as a unit and you're combining your money, spending your money together, figuring out how to spend your money together, that can be a challenge because we're coming from one place, somebody else is coming from another place, and now we're supposed to figure out how to do this together.
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I can think of one really good example that during the reflecting stage, justin and I worked through something.
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So I was fortunate enough growing up that when I went to college, my mom outside the scholarship money that I had, my mom paid for the remaining balance of me to go to college, and same thing for my brother outside of the athletic scholarships that he had, you know.
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So I was of the mindset that I would like to pay for my kids to go to college, so they're not, you know, stuck with a bunch of student loan debt, whereas Jess had to pay for her education, so she had to pay for it herself, and so at first she kind of had a different mindset, but then, like reflecting on where it came from, obviously she had to pay for her own college.
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I grew up not having to pay for my own college, and talking through it and how we actually want to do it together when it comes to our kids was very important.
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Right.
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And also the fact that you never said, hey, well, now this debt is still your debt, so you figure that out.
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It was like, all right, this is part of our household bill, right?
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How do we pay for this?
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How do we allocate this?
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What can we do to make this better?
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How long do we want to take to take it off?
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It very quickly became an us problem, not just a me problem, and again, not saying that that's the right way to do it.
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That was the right way for us.
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But again, in this reflect stage, I have since changed my mind on.
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Well, maybe we take out the loans for our children but then pay them off so that they, you know, have that instant credit boost.
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Or, you know, maybe there is a way to get around them having to pay for it altogether.
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You know, we've now opened At this point.
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who knows what college is even going to look like.
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Well, that too, yeah, but you know we've opened the 529 plans for them, so we're planning for it.
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And so, again, having those deep conversations around well, why do you feel this way about it, versus how I feel, and how do we want this to look in the future for our children?
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You know that's a very it's a big conversation.
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There is no right or wrong answer.
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Again, you get to make the rules, but it is something that has come up for us and in that reflect stage, we want you to.
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You know, take what you learned and dive to really understand.
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What do you want that vision to look like?
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That's a great example, all right.
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Next, we have E for engage, and we've always said that money is a tool.
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There should not be a monetary number.
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That is a goal, right?
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If you were one of Brandon's clients and he said, well, what's the goal?
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And you said a million dollars, he would say no, not at all, that is not the goal.
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So, really understanding what your goals are, so you're engaging with each other to understand not only your individual goals because, guess what, you still get to be your own person in a healthy relationship but you also need to dream together, and that's the one thing that has grounded Brandon and I from the very beginning is we've always had really big, audacious dreams You've heard us talk about.
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You know.
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The one that we always joke about is Bora Bora, the hut over the water, right Like that's the ultimate dream vacation for us.
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But this is the time to really dive in and understand what are your goals and what are my goals, and where do we find that commonality?
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What are our goals together as as a couple?
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Yeah, like you said, the big thing is is dreaming without limitations.
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So this is the point where you get to have a fun conversation where, like you, are really sculpting the type of life that you want to live.
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You know, like she said, your individual goals as well as the goals that you guys have together, and, from my experience, a lot of couples do not do this.
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I cannot tell you how many times I've sat down and got to this point of the planning process where we're diving deep into their goals and you have couples who have not had this conversation.
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It's very obvious on the call and you have, you know, people sharing information, and this is the first time that their spouse is hearing it while I'm also hearing it for the first time as well.
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That shouldn't happen.
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I mean this is the fun part.
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I mean talking about all the bills and the this and oh, we need to plan for that, and oh, this car repair and oh, this vet appointment.
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Those are, oh, that's the money crap that nobody wants to talk about.
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That's the not fun stuff.
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This is the time that you get to say, wow, maybe for our 10 year anniversary we should go to Greece for two weeks.
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Here are the islands we should go to.
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Here's how we want to get there.
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Definitely private jet, you know.
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But this is also like.
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This is also like, you know, planning out your dream career.
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You know, maybe you're a younger couple and you're just starting out in your careers, but this is like, oh, I want to eventually be a CEO.
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Like this is what this part of the dream about all of it.
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Yes, this is what this part of the framework is for.
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Yes, dreaming about the career, what you want your Tuesday in 30 years to look like.
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You know, your Tuesday morning at 9am and 10, 20, 30 years, your dream vacations, your dream home what work optional looks like for you when you're looking to achieve that.
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because, as I said before, we don't really use the word retirement here, because we're trying to get work optional as soon as possible, not retire at like 60.
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Now, if you want to retire 65, cool, that's for you, but we're trying to be work optional as soon as possible.
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Right.
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So don't say well, I want to retire at 60.
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Well, what does that look?
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like.
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What do you?
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want to do during retirement?
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What kind of life are you going to live?
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Where are you going to live?
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What are you going to do?
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What's going to be filling your day?
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What's still going to be lighting your fire?
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This is the time to dream in detail, and so we want you to engage with each other to really understand what does the best possible life look like for you, for me and us together?
00:19:28.891 --> 00:19:38.900
So, as we iterate on this, we're going to be sharing different tools and resources of questions that you can ask yourself and each other during this stage or these stages, activities that you can do together to help you dream big together.
00:19:38.900 --> 00:19:41.438
Again, we're scratching the surface today, but think about you know what would you?
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We're scratching the surface today, but think about what would you do if you won the lottery tomorrow and you were completely set?
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How would you fill your time?
00:19:47.634 --> 00:19:49.276
What would light your fire?
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Do you wanna start that nonprofit?
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Do you wanna move abroad?
00:19:52.460 --> 00:19:54.917
Do you wanna build the family compound?
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Whatever that is?
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Again, there's no right or wrong.
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This is your dream life, so you get to decide.
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But we want you to dream in detail, Every detail we want you to really focus in on.
00:20:07.080 --> 00:20:08.931
Not well, I would buy my dream house.
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What does that look like?
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I need details.
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Also this.
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Also this helps you know as far as when the planning process, as far as getting excited and having that momentum to go through those days where it is tough but you cause.
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You already know what the goal is and what you're trying to achieve.
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What's at the end of the tunnel, per se.
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So, this is what drives you through the bad days, because you're going to have good days, but you're also gonna have bad days and you're going to need to have some form of motivation to get through those bad days.
00:20:35.275 --> 00:20:35.836
Absolutely.
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It's also what can help you.
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I think what you're trying to say too, babe, is it's going to ground you right?
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Because if I said to Brandon today, hey, I'm going to get the contractor back because I want to do that accent wall in the living room, which is something I do want to do, and he does know I want to do that he could easily say, hey, but we're already planning for Christmas 2025.
00:20:56.221 --> 00:20:59.797
And I thought you wanted to go here and do this, and et cetera, et cetera.
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We budgeted X amount of dollars.
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If we do the accent wall, we're going to have to sacrifice somewhere else.
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So what else throughout the year?
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Do you want to push down the priority list?
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Right, I would rather take a trip than have an accent wall in my home.
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I mean, you can look behind us right now If you're watching on YouTube.
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We've got the wallpapers, we've got the accent walls, the house is perfect the way it is.
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Are there things we could do?
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Of course, there's always something to do in homeownership.
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However, what's more important when we align our goals?
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What we want for our family, what's important for our children?
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Travel, making memories and helping them see the world is top three at all times.
